unconsciously me

i hate to admit this, but...

2012-01-29T00:36:00.003-07:00

i have a few obsessions. yes, yes, i know that you know that i'm obsessed with school and that's why i am putting myself through a master's. but i also have two obsessions i'd like to confess.

first:

meet benedict cumberbatch and martin freeman, stars of bbc's tv show "sherlock." think csi + london + impossible cases that only holmes can solve, and you've about got it. it's delightful, really. i always hate to admit that i'm obsessed with tv shows but this one i can't seem to get enough of--which is why my roommate paige and i were happy to find a less than reputable website where we could watch the second season (it already aired in england, but doesn't come to the usa until MAY. why in heaven's name would we wait that long?)

one more thing before i move onto obsession two. i was watching the commentary last night for one of the season one episodes, and the commentators were talking about benedict cumberbatch (sherlock) and said that he's so much different than his character in sherlock, that he has more of a "gentle occupation of the alpha male role." ah, benedict. benny. sign me up!

okay, obsession two:

i think it's just british drama that really gets me. downton abbey is in its second season (i'm watching this one legally, folks), and i love it. it might get a little soap opera-ey at times, but in a more distinguished, high-class british kind of way.

so now you know what i'm doing when i'm not slaving away doing schoolwork or teaching.

like i did for most of today. i was sitting in the SAME SPOT on our couch from 10:30 till maybe 6:30 doing homework. and surprise, surprise, i still have more! it's times like these when i have to remind myself that i'm doing this because i want to. nope, no one is making me but myself. and i'm off to do more reading!

mostly pictures

2012-01-14T15:55:00.001-07:00

i'm just now (sheepishly) posting pictures from thanksgiving break. also, there are a few pictures of jessi's wedding (how sad is it that i didn't take any pictures around christmas? that i'm ashamed about)

(my nephew) gavin's birthday is the day before thanksgiving, and he had the day all planned out: first, carousel, second, the yoda/count dooku fight from start wars episode II. here are some carousel pics:

st george recently renovated an antique carousel--so neat!

lori's not going to be happy with her face in this picture, but i love it nevertheless! here are the thayns.

my cherry cardamom pie for thanksgiving! holy cow, yum. it got a little too brown on top (i didn't cover it with tinfoil, but it still turned out pretty good)

drumroll, please! yes, ladies and gentlemen, i cooked the turkey this thanksgiving. i commandeered the job from my dad, who did a lot of the dirty work for me (: i brined it, which was great and made it super moist and absolutely delicious. if i do say so myself.

how often is it warm enough to eat outside for thanksgiving dinner? i love southern utah!

yummy thanksgiving food

here's one of gavin

ashton, me, and sorry gavs, your face got cut it half

jessi's reception! the saga of the 1,000 paper cranes. yes, we folded them all, and yes, we hung them all. there were actually more like 1,050

here's the lovely bride! i love the skirt of her dress, and the veil is my mom's! lovely lovely

jessi's sequin jacket and taylor's shiny suit. razzle dazzle bride and groom

the cute little cranes on her cake! also, the cake stand is cut off in this picture, but it was a tree stump.

mindy and me

lastly, a full shot of jessi's cake and her bouquet.

that's all for now! new year, new semester, and new resolution to post once a week. i can do that, right?

here's to this fantastically marvelous time of the year!

2011-12-21T03:09:00.000-07:00

one of the best things i love about school is that i appreciate the holidays so much more. i don't want you to think, however, that this is the only thing i love about school--it's just that i have a love/hate relationship with school, and a love/love relationship with the holidays. i just love the feeling of waking up in the morning and realizing that i don't have anything pressing on my schedule for the day. no ten-page papers i have to write today or else, no staying up until four o'clock in the morning grading papers. i can actually EXERCISE, and go shopping with my sisters, and bake yummy things, and pleasure read, without worrying that spending time doing these things is taking away from my schoolwork.

i must say, though, school is rewarding. i love writing essays, reading essays, revising essays, submitting essays with a prayer and a hope that i'll be published. i love clicking "save" on a paper that i've spent so many hours trying to complete. i love spending time with smart people hoping some of their intelligence will rub off on me. i love knowing that i can stand in front of a class and actually teach them something. i love reading "you are the best english teacher i've ever had" on a student's reflection. all of these things make school rewarding and remind me why i am still there.

but i love, love, love the holidays. i love christmas. i love buying things for people and trying so hard to keep my mouth shut about the presents i can't wait for them to open. i love drawing holly berries on everything. and i love celebrating the savior's birth and the hope that it gives me in my life.

happy christmas.

bless us.

just thought i'd mention

2011-11-16T22:14:00.001-07:00

i'm going to try and stay as composed as possible while i tell you that i'm going back to ENGLAND! :D

next summer, for 3 months, doing a field study (basically independent study. i'll be creating my own syllabus and such--so reading and writing mucho)

oh, and i almost forgot to mention. i'll be there for the OLYMPICS! i'm such an olympic nut. i love the olympics almost as much as i love england. i love my life.

bless me.

on companionship

2011-11-08T22:27:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm grateful for good friends and food--rather, eating good food with friends. Good food and good friends. Let me 'splain.

Last night I realized at about midnight that I still had a redbox movie I needed to return, so my roommate Paige was kind enough to accompany me to the nearest redbox to return Captain America, and when we got back I had the sudden urge to make guacamole. It didn't come out of nowhere, because I had three ripe avocados waiting to be eaten, but making guacamole at midnight isn't something I usually do. Well, since I've been in grad school I'm up at all sorts of odd and unearthly hours, eating irregular meals and such. So I guess it wasn't that unusual. Just not a typical midnight food. Anyway, I didn't have any onions so I improvised with garlic (not as good as onions, but it worked), threw in some lime juice, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, basil (I didn't have oregano, which I usually use) and yum. Paige and I ate it with blue corn chips while talking about centipedes and other things, and it was quite a marvelous time.

And today, after my first two classes, my friend Laura and I decided to go get food while working on an assignment for the Intro to Grad Studies class. We got banana chocolate chip bread, which was good (but not as good as Laura's), and sat next to each other and worked on our assignments. It doesn't sound like anything monumental, and it wasn't, but there's something peaceful about being right next to a friend and, even though we're working on our laptops, sharing food and talking. We talked about her gratitude for a patient husband, and my hope for a husband someday who is also patient. We talked about marriage, and that it's such a miracle when it happens, that it makes sense that it happens for some sooner than for others. And so on.

Maybe what I'm getting at is the gift of companionship. Being single and twenty-six could mean being bitter or hopeless that I'm not married. I've tried on that idea and it doesn't fit very well, because I can't ignore the fact that I have so many things to be grateful for, like the companionship of wonderful friends to eat good food with, or the hope that someday I will get married, because I definitely want to get married. I'm just happy with where I am in life and what I am doing, so there's no need to pine. But there is always a need to hope.

Meanwhile, I am also grateful for slippers and essays by GK Chesterton.

i wonder about humanity, sometimes

2011-11-06T01:45:00.001-07:00

like this week, for instance. I feel like I've spent a lot of time examining other people's faults, and I know exactly what this isn't advisable: because when you look for the faults of some, that becomes all you look for. I'm not exactly proud of this, but when someone hurts one of my sisters, I'm usually the first one in line to throw a punch. And when two of my sisters gets hurt in one week, I have a hard time forgetting it. I find that it's much easier to forgive someone who wrongs me than it is to forgive someone who wrongs someone I'm close to. And when it's one of my sisters, forget it. Let me use the words of Mr. Darcy: "I find it hard to forgive the follies and vices of others, and their offenses towards me [insert--my sisters]. My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever." Sounds harsh, yes, but I'm trying to be honest here. Like I mentioned, if someone causes me pain, I do my best to give them the benefit of a doubt. I'm not so charitable in other circumstances.

This week was typical for me (full of stress, but still happy), but it was a bad week for my baby sister. Well, she's not a baby, she's sixteen. But she is the baby of the family, which means when she gets hurt then she has five older sisters to beat up anyone who tries to cross her. I only wish it were that easy, though. I don't really need to get into the meat of it, but imagine being betrayed by almost every single friend you have in one week, and you would get somewhere close to what my sis went through this week. One particular friend, who has in the past been my sister's really good friend, I shall simply call Regina George in this post. She has been especially vicious, talking about my sister behind her back, hosting parties several times without bothering to invite my sister. For these and other reasons Regina is, to put it mildly, a wench.

Anyway, I don't understand why my sister has been thus treated by her "friends." It is, of course, in the nature of older siblings to protect and defend their younger siblings to the death, but listen to this anyway: how many sixteen year olds can carry on an intelligent conversation about subjects like politics, music, history, and literature? how many have memorized the entire Declaration of Independence when they are twelve years old? and read most of Shakespeare's plays? and remember off the top of their heads that the 10th Amendment is about the states' rights? and play the piano like nobody's business?

Not too many teenagers are quite that bright. And it's not just that! She has so much integrity! and faith! and determination! and I don't usually put this many exclamation points in one post!

I'm not trying to rant. Then again, maybe I am, because another one of my sisters was very hurt and disappointed by a good friend this past week too. And I don't think there are many more things on earth that make me angrier than that. I guess it's just hard because I've been through similar experiences, and I know how much it, well, sucks. But I know that it was in such times that I grew closer to my family, and realized how grateful I was for parents and sisters and dogs and cats and books and mountains and chocolate. And new friends. The "tender mercies" of the Lord, in other words. It was in times like those that I found scriptures like this one:

"...have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions." (Alma 34:41)

and this one:

"They friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands." (D&C 121:9)

So maybe instead of spending my time railing on my sisters' terrible friends, I could spend time encouraging, and uplifting, and giving hope. Because I turned out okay, right? If I could do it, then they certainly can, who are smarter and nicer (and better looking) than I am.

Regina George is still a wench. Arg, changing for the better is not always easy.

you choose: palm reading or cleaning the house

2011-11-03T00:57:00.000-06:00

So, I may or may not have spent this evening reading my roommates' palms. I'm not a professional by all means, but a little creativity and internet access can go a long way. We spent way too much time (ha! what am I talking about? roommate bonding time is an important activity to engage in) reading palms when we could have been cleaning the house--because we have cleaning checks tomorrow.

Cleaning checks. Let me tell you what I think about them:

Ahem. Cleaning checks are absolutely ridiculous. That's all.

Well, not really all. My roommates and I are pretty clean already, so it's not like cleaning checks are a huge ordeal, but I would rather clean when I want to clean. Plus, mid-week cleaning checks? really? por favor!

Anyway, so back to palm reading. I got my palm read last year when I was in London--I simply couldn't pass up the quintessential gnarled gypsy woman reading palms--but I felt a little ripped off because she spent the first five minutes of my palm reading chasing down a guy who had taken pictures of her booth and forcing him to delete them. And then fetching security to make the guy delete the pictures. By the time she got back to me, she was so grouchy I'm pretty sure I didn't get my money's worth.

Granted, I don't buy that palm reading is accurate, but I'm curious enough about it that I want to go again. In short, I'm still a little bit obsessed with it. Anyone want to join me in my next palm-reading adventure?

boo on technology

2011-10-31T18:18:00.000-06:00

You know, one of the terrible things about technology is when it FAILS. I was teaching my class today and had a fantastic lesson plan that completely depended on the computer/projector actually working. So, when I went to go plug in my laptop, there was no connection. SERIOUSLY?!? $@!!%. $%?#. Boo.

It ended up fine, and I think (hope) my students enjoyed my alternative (aka, impromptu) lesson plan. They just didn't know how completely awesome it would have been if the computer actually had worked. Boo.

Speaking of boo, I decided that I am a total Halloween scrooge. I am not a fan (ever) of decorating with spiders and ghosts. So, bah humbug. Well, I partially take that back. The only good thing about Halloween is Thriller. No, I'm not just talking about the song (although that is a part of it); I'm talking about Odyssey Dance Theater's production filled with dancing skeletons, Frankenstein's monster, zombies, and river dancers getting picked off by a sniper. Morbid? yes. Delightful? also yes.

And also, I do like creepy things (not like slasher creepy, like Edgar Allen Poe and the Bronte sisters creepy).

Maybe it's just the arachnid decorations and strange people dressing like fairy tale princesses. It's like what they say in Mean Girls: "Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it." Not that I see too much of that at BYU. I did see one guy walking around sans shirt though (that's about as scandalous as it got today). People seriously spend so much time (and money!) on Halloween costumes--I don't really get it. One of my students said he was disappointed that I didn't dress up today (he said out of all his professors, I was the one he expected to see dressed up. whatever that means), and I refrained from ranting. Even though I was totally in the mood to rant because the computer wasn't working.

So you might just have to disregard everything I say here because it's just a spawn of today's technology hatred.

Thank you for reading my rant. I'm going back to reading now.

scattered thoughts

2011-10-27T01:30:00.000-06:00

Do you ever feel an obligation to blog even though nobody is telling you to? I feel like that sometimes. It's probably because my blog acts as my personal journal, and when I actually kept a consistent (physical) journal, I had the same guilt when I didn't write in it. I need less guilt in my life, in general, I think. This is something to work on. Anyway, I like blogging, and I like knowing that people actually read what I have to say. It's something that, as a writer, I crave.

I have been struggling to adjust to life as a grad student, which surprised me because I thought I'd get right into the swing of things. It has been more difficult that merely swinging in and catching on. I have a feeling it's because between the time I graduated with my Bachelor's last December and started with grad school this September, a lot happened. I dealt with a lot of disappointment and frustration, directly related to the health struggle I've had for the past couple of years. I guess it showed my narrow-minded view of how trials and opposition work in this life, because I was so over my health problems that I thought it surely was time for me to get better and never have to deal with similar issues again. Obviously naive, yes, and I was so disappointed when instead of going away completely, my little problems decided (rather maliciously, if you ask me) to stick around for who knows how much longer.

So I think I've just had a hard time trying to put all of that on the back burner suddenly to start a completely new phase of life. I'm the kind of person, I think, who does best focusing on one thing at a time, which is probably why I hoped so much that my problems would just go away when I started grad school. And by pushing health to the back burner, I've not taken care of my body as well as I should thus far. I've never been a professional time budgeter, so this is indeed a challenge.

Thankfully, I'm up for a challenge. I always say that I like change, and that I can adapt well to change, and I'm sure that will be the case this time. I'm just taking a little while longer adapting to this change.

With that said, though, I love being here and learning so much and being around like-minded people who are in their own ways as obsessive and nerdy as I am. I love teaching my freshman class even when they occasionally act like twerps.

And I love that even though this past Monday was such a terrible day, Tuesday was so much better, and the rest of the week is looking up. Praise the heavens!

wearied

2011-10-11T14:15:00.003-06:00

i always feel bad about yawning my way through class. this class isn't boring, i'm not trying to be disrespectful, don't take it personally. [then as i write that, i think of my students, and that it annoys me justalittlebit when they are falling asleep in class. come on, kids, get it together.] thus, i am essentially a hypocrite. but in my creative nonfiction class today, i heard something [between yawns] that i really liked: "humans are contradictory beings. we say one thing, we contradict ourselves, and i'm okay with that." thank you, stephanie johnson. i guess the fact that we're contradictory beings wasn't new to me, but the fact that she said "i'm okay with that" is refreshing. it's refreshing to accept that i'm going to change my mind, that i'm going to say one thing and do another, and that when i do i'm not going to beat myself up about.

anyway, back to being tired and now understanding if/why my professors would be annoyed at me. on one hand, i could get more sleep and not get my reading/papers done, or i could keep doing what i'm doing and complete the reading and assignments but be too tired to participate in class. because when i'm really tired, i'm afraid that if i make a comment in class it will make no sense.

it's quite the conundrum.

also, this. a couple weeks back i had what i deemed the busiest week and a half of my life. i did manage to complete everything, but as i got a paper back from my fairy tale class, i realized that i succeeded in some things better than others. i didn't do as well in the paper as i had hoped, and i actually talked to my professor this morning and it sounds like it was one of the "roughest" of the bunch, which was discouraging to me because i'm not exactly used to being on the bottom. my fairy tale class intimidates me anyway because there are a lot of intelligent people who use big words and are outspoken about everything. and then there's little introverted me :) but as i was talking to my professor, she did say that my idea was one of the most creative, but the execution of it was where i lacked. so there's some encouragement mixed with a gentle push in a more productive direction. she said she understood about my being introverted and not commenting in class, because apparently she was the same way as a student.

so i just need to get more on the ball. and find time where there isn't any, so i can get everything done AND get enough sleep to be coherent in class. i'll get right on that.

kaput

2011-10-06T20:26:00.003-06:00

my laptop is basically on life support

three inches away from death

i don't know if it will survive the week

i think it's time.....

for a mac

si?

chocolate and stuff

2011-10-06T00:06:00.000-06:00

yes, i just spent the last few hours making chocolate truffles to accompany my chocolate essay that my class is workshopping tomorrow. hopefully that inspires everyone to be kiiiiiind (not that people aren't kind, but this essay is kind of haphazard, kind of like my life right now)

oh, and i just turned in an analysis paper for my fairy tale class... i was comparing grimm's cinderella to the animated film anastasia. it was fun, but i struggled with it, big time. i had a revelation as i was sitting at the computer banging my head violently against the wall (just kidding, i really wasn't doing that): i am so glad i'm in the creative writing program. i had a hard time deciding whether or not to do the english master's or the creative writing mfa, because i would really love to study transatlantic victorian literature (: but, as i was writing this analysis paper, i decided that i'm in the right spot. i love literature but i don't think i could handle writing critical analysis papers for two years... i'd rather write essays about CHOCOLATE! yup.

anyway, it's late and i would love to go to bed but i'm going to do some homework. then it's buenas noches para mi!

(oh, and look at me! blogging two days in a row! or at least close to that... either way, i pretty much rock!)

absence

2011-10-04T19:52:00.002-06:00

just in case you were wondering, i'm not dead.

although, i guess i am dead in a couple of ways:

1) dead to the world every time my head hits the pillow

2) dead tired whenever i'm not in bed

3) so dead if i don't stop blogging and finish a fairy tale paper

4) scared to death that the monster spiders in my basement will kill me as i sleep

5) dead in the water if i don't think of a healthy version of caffeine at some point this semester

and last, but definitely not least,

6) dead meat if i don't clean up the mess i've created in our basement living room. let me describe it for you: we have a couch and a love seat down here (both christmas plaid, as i think i've mentioned), and i have taken over the couch. i'm not just talking about me being physically on the couch, but right now i am sitting on the couch surrounded by a couple packages of books i bought on amazon.com, a bag of tortilla chips, tupperware, a pink binder filled with rhetorical theory, two folders, one graded paper, and about 8 books for various classes. oh, and keys and my ipod and jacket. my roommates are nice people to put up with my explosive mess in the living room.

sorry girls.

but, let me look on the bright side: at least i'm still alive despite being dead in various ways! i'm a walking paradox!

dark green carpet

2011-09-17T23:56:00.001-06:00

When my family moved into our Ivins house over twenty years ago, it had some sort of colorful identity crisis. One room had bright orange carpet, one had "dusty pink" carpet, another had moss-colored paint and dark green carpet (I think I remember the carpet, but I KNOW I remember the paint).

Oh, and the kitchen with brown linoleum also had yellow sinks.

We changed a few things, and I don't think anything in the original house has survived, except the walls and roof.

I remembered our original house colors when I moved into my current Provo house, I immediately noticed the dark green carpets. You know, the darkish forest green color that shows every speck of dirt and lint? Yes, that's the color.

Somehow, it's a very comfortable color.

awww, shucks

2011-09-13T19:45:00.001-06:00

So, because I was away on Friday for the MFA retreat, I had another grad student sub for my writing class. And when I got back, I asked how it went, and they said that the sub was good but that they were glad I was back. Then one of the girls said, "you're like my favorite teacher!" How sweet is she???

Yes, it is true, teaching is rewarding. Especially when you can be your students' FAVORITE.

Oh, and PS, my essay workshop went really well. Excited to revise!

MFA retreat, and general overwhelmedness

2011-09-11T21:35:00.001-06:00

I went on a retreat this past weekend for the Creative Writing MFA students, and it was wonderful and SO needed. Sometimes it feels so nice and relieving to get away from everything and spend time with like-minded people who love writing and literature and great food and great conversation. We went down to Capitol Reef and hiked through stunning canyons of colorful sandstone cliffs and it just felt like home to me. There's nothing more refreshing to me than red rock and blue sky. It was TRAGIC that I didn't have my camera with me--I kicked myself several times about that.

All the while, I tried not to think about the gross amount of reading I was supposed to get done over the weekend, and for the most part I succeeded. After all, homework will always be there, but I won't always be in Capitol Reef!

I also had a huge epiphany while I was there (well maybe not huge, but it was a huge relief to get it): I had been working on an essay in my head for a couple of months and actually working on it for about a week, but I was struggling a lot trying to tie everything in together. One of the writing exercises we did in the middle of a hike helped inspire me with an idea to finish my essay. Unfortunately, when I got home I had to rush to write it because I had to email it to my class pronto, so I didn't get as much time to finish it as I would have liked. Ah well, the point of writing workshops is to give you ideas to revise and improve your essay. I just hope what I sent wasn't cheesy or overdone. I'll know on Tuesday! Anyway, my epiphany helped me to finish it, but I'm still nervous because I have this misconception in my head that with this essay, because it's my first in the program, I will be trying to justify my existence in a creative writing master's program. Completely unwarranted, I know, and I tried to shrug off the feeling because it was giving me stress and was probably the reason I had such a hard time writing.

Oh well. I guess I'll find out come Tuesday if I need to pack my bags. ;)

And one more thing.... coming home from the retreat, I was so tired after finishing my essay that I dropped into bed without even unpacking anything, and my room is a total disaster because I didn't have time to clean it before I left. I will definitely have to clean it before I get anything done, because I can't do anything in a dirty room! Bleh, I'm overwhelmed by my dirty room and loads of homework.

Wish me luck!

okay, yum

2011-09-07T17:34:00.002-06:00

Let's face it: when you're a student, it's harder to find time to cook great food. I'll just say that while I'm in school, I'm a little (lot) less diligent about eating healthy, scrumptious foods. But I'm going to try harder this semester to make use of my pots, pans, and blender (my precious) so I can maintain some sense of normality while I'm in a whirlwind of writing, reading, grading, etc. etc.

So today I made something wonderfully yummy. The idea wasn't original (it came from Jessi), but I made a few changes to truly make it my own. Here goes:

Bread (I used homemade wheat bread, but I'm sure it would work with any type)
Peanut butter
Jam (I used strawberry)
Thinly-sliced fruit (I used strawberries, although bananas would be fantastic as well)
Chocolate chips

Basically, put the peanut butter, jam, fruit, and chocolate chips in between two pieces of delicious bread and grill it (like a grilled cheese). It gets all melty and gooey and absolutely fantastic. And it's so easy!

Okay, I sound like a commercial. Or the food network. But seriously, you should try this sandwich.

world: take good notes

2011-09-05T23:18:00.001-06:00

wouldn't the world be a better place if we all sang and danced in the rain?

.... also it would definitely be a better place if we were all as good looking as gene kelly.

libertines, and patience

2011-09-02T21:25:00.000-06:00

The essay, as a literary form, resembles the lyric, in so far as it is moulded by some central mood—whimsical, serious, or satirical. Give the mood, and the essay, from the first sentence to the last, grows around it as the cocoon grows around the silkworm. The essay-writer is a chartered libertine, and a law unto himself. A quick ear and eye, an ability to discern the infinite suggestiveness of common things, a brooding meditative spirit, are all that the essayist requires to start business with. (Alexander Smith)

lib·er·tine/ˈlibərˌtēn/

Noun: A person, esp. a man, who behaves without moral principles.
Adjective: Characterized by a disregard of morality.

Call me a libertine all you want, as long as you call me an essayist first. Not that I am without moral principles or have a disregard of morality, (I hope in reality I am quite the opposite of a libertine) but that I disagree with you, Alexander Smith, as to that specific definition of an essayist. That said, I think essayists try to step back from the world a bit to try and see how everything connects, so the tendency to stand apart could lend itself to being a law unto himself. Interesting thought, and I'd love to grapple with that idea in my head for awhile.

So I want to start business being an essayist, as Alexander Smith says. I think it takes practice to have a quick ear and eye, and to discern the infinite suggestiveness of common things. You have to "stop and smell the roses" as the old cliche entreats. However, I don't completely buy the validity of this particular cliche. "Smelling the roses" is insufficient because most of the time you can smell roses by simply walking by them; you usually don't have to break you stride to enjoy their aroma. Truly discerning the infinite suggestiveness of common things requires more commitment than deep inhalation. Annie Dillard in Pilgrim at Tinker Creek essays about staying in one position, unmoving, for hours in order to catch a glimpse of a shy animal (the name of the actual animal escapes me at the moment). Now that is commitment. It takes patience.

I've never been the most patient person, but I guess it depends on the situation. I'm definitely a more patient driver than I used to be--I used to get so annoyed at people who cut me off or drive too slowly, then one day I cut someone off and realized suddenly that the driver I cut off was probably cursing my name for my apparent lack of courtesy. I had become the kind of person I get annoyed at. So I decided to be more patient towards other drivers because I hoped they would also give me the benefit of a doubt when I do stupid things. (Notice that I didn't resolve to be a perfect driver so I could then look down my nose at the rest of the fools on the road with less-than-perfect driving skills. I found it easier to forgive others' driving faults, and keep my own intact.)

Also, I was so nervous to start teaching my Writing 150 class that after the slight awkwardness of the first day, I hurriedly decided that I was doomed to being forever awkward teacher who is always terrified of her students. Then the second day of teaching came along and I realized that I really will enjoy this, and if I am awkward then I'll embrace it and allow myself to have faults. Slight awkwardness in a teacher is not always a bad thing. Some of my favorite professors have been slightly awkward in one way or another. Being completely "normal" is uninteresting and dull, anyway. (Not to mention the fact that it's impossible to even define what "normal" is.) So my conclusion is that I should be a more patient person and not freak out. And not merely smell the roses but stand completely still for hours in order to catch a glimpse of a small animal.

By the way, I can already tell that I'm going to have a hard time not neglecting my other classes in favor of my essaying class. But that's why I'm here, so shouldn't that give me license to care about some things more than others?

misc.

2011-09-02T21:24:00.000-06:00

I need a haircut. I'm wondering whether or not I should get an asymmetrical bob..... and dye it brown.

I survived my first week of grad school/teaching little freshman without any major panic attacks.

....And I just spent $10 on a couple ounces of cardamom, which means I need to make yummy Indian food (like the Indian rice pudding with cardamom, coconut milk, pistachios, and golden raisins that my sister Lori and I made a couple weeks ago. HOLY COW, so good.)

Oh, yes. and lots of chocolate. Time to try the truffles I've been thinking about lately. Anyone up for taste-testing?

the day

2011-08-29T23:52:00.002-06:00

okay so i didn't need smelling salts, but i honestly don't understand HOW i will ever sound like an intelligent human being in front of my class.

babble babble babble stutter babble babble nonsense babble fool.

i was hoping to feel better after day one of teaching! i need to be patient. i'm hoping that at some point in the semester, i will actually feel comfortable in front of my class.

oh, just as a side note: my folklore/fairy tale seminar is going to be magical. yes, i am looking forward to reading fairy tales this whole semester. maybe my fairy tale this semester will go something like this:

once upon a time, there was a youngish grad student who was intimidated by everything from teaching freshman english to being around her intelligent grad student peers. in desperation, she fought the urge to crawl into fetal position and cry, but found consolation in a large slice of chocolate fudge cake with vanilla bean ice cream. this youngish grad student's fairy godmother noticed her dilemma, and stole into y.g.s.'s bedroom one night as she was fitfully sleeping. fairy g. placed a powerful enchantment on y.g.s.'s fabulous tweed jacket, so each time she wore it, the jacket would inspire y.g.s. to be confident and smart. this enchantment worked so well that in time y.g.s. overcame her fears and went on to conquer the world of writing and teaching and graduate study life. and there might be something about a knight and a horse, but that's another story for another day. the end.

highlights and nerves

2011-08-28T18:33:00.003-06:00

i started writing this blog post with the intent to report on my week. it started something like this:

this week has been... (backspace). this week has been overwhelming. (backspace). this week has been: (backspace).

finally, i just decided to relate this week to the first day of school times six times seven. you know how the first day is so overwhelming because the professors are handing you a schedule and explaining what you are going to accomplish in the entire semester, and all of the sudden it feels like you have to accomplish everything at once, all in one day, right now. so i've had a week filled with days like that.

i don't know why i'm so nervous to teach. i love teaching. i'm so excited! but then my stomach starts knotting up and i can imagine myself in front of my class forgetting everything i have ever learned, with my students realizing that i'm nothing more than a fake. yikes. but i am excited.

with that said, this week has actually been really great. i think my favorite moment was when one of the program directors brian jackson compared grading papers to triage. because, you know, you shouldn't treat someone for blisters if they have a sucking chest wound. treat the bigger problem first. so every time i feel the need to mark every single misuse of the apostrophe, i'll restrain myself and try to treat the bigger problems. unless, of course, the bigger problem is apostrophes. then i'll happily mark away. my other favorite part was when i got into dr. jill rudy's fairy tale class. i pretty much jumped for joy. i mean, studying essays and fairy tales and teaching little freshmen how to write: how could it get much better?

many thanks to my sister lori for making me homemade bread and chocolate chip cookie dough almond butter (yes, it is as good as it sounds) to help me through the week.

i can't wait to eat at bombay house. (maybe i'll do that to celebrate getting through the first week.)

wish me luck. and pray that i won't need to be revived with smelling salts right before teaching my first class.

there you go: seattle

2011-08-25T23:13:00.016-06:00

i've promised pictures of my seattle trip, and once classes start on monday and i become a ravenous homework beast i probably won't have much time to upload photos. so here is a (very) brief, scatterbrained picture version of my family's trip to the northwest:

cherries. holy cow yum.

water

strange bear dog

green

green with water

green with water and feet

how to make the most perfectly toasted marshmallow 101

speed scrabble

card playing, me and mum

cool, local, organic, fantastic, AMAZING food

something tall

the girls and dad

heron

sistas

Zappos challenge

2011-08-13T19:45:00.002-06:00

Sorry my lovelies, but the Seattle pictures are still forthcoming. However, I do have a fun game for us to play.

At work tonight, my friend/neighbor/coworker Jessie reminded me of a game we used to play on slow days at the Tuacahn box office: the Zappos ugly shoe challenge.

Here are the rules: basically, browse around at Zappos.com and try to find the UGLIEST shoes you can. The winner gets a congratulatory ecard from me.

Let's play!

epiphany

2011-08-08T17:26:00.003-06:00

i decided what i want to be when i grow up:

a chocolatier.

so naturally, a master's degree in creative writing would point me in the right direction. right?

imagine for a moment a collection of essays about the life of a chocolatier. in other words, the main characters would be me and chocolate. groundbreaking.

would you read that book?

A rose by any other name

2011-08-01T22:18:00.006-06:00

Lately, I've been pondering names.

In 1985, the year that I was born, the name Natalie ranked #58 on the list of popular baby names in the United States. Kristina was #57, Victoria #59, and number one was Jessica. In 2010, Natalie rose in the ranks, coming in at #14. In my high school graduating class, there were three Natalies: I sat next to one in English class, one in math class. I am facebook friends with one of them and keep in touch with neither of them.

Natalie Cole, the daughter of Nat King Cole, was a famous singer, songwriter and performer. I'm not a famous performer, but I did have a dog named Nat King Cole.

From the couple of resources I've looked at, the name Natalie comes from the Latin name Natalia, which means "Christmas day," or "born at Christmas." I wasn't born at Christmas, but it is my favorite holiday.

My middle name is Dawn ("the first appearance of light"). Dawn peaked in popularity in 1971 where it ranked number 14, thanks to the hippie generation. In 1985 it came in at #165. My aunt Gloria's middle name is Dawn; thus, I assume I was named after her.

Johansen is Danish. The -en ending indicates a Danish origin, whereas an -on ending would suggest a Swedish origin. Literally, the last name Johansen means son of Johan. the surname of Johan's daughers would have been Johandatter; following the same tradition, then, my surname would be Curtisdatter. Cool. Sadly, the female surnames weren't passed down, because their children would receive their last name from their father, not mother, thus creating an unfortunate lack of -datter names. Maye I'll change my surname to Curtisdatter.

So here I am: Natalie (born at christmas) Dawn (first appearance of light) Johansen (son of Johan). christmas sunrise posterity-of-johan.

Interesante.

so cool

2011-07-30T10:49:00.002-06:00

sometimes i love customer service. other times i don't.

the reason i sometimes love it is because i can laugh at people. i know that's unfriendly and a wee bit mean, but i don't necessarily feel bad for doing it. we get enough crap from customers at tuacahn that it feels like some sort of vindication to laugh at the not-so-bright ones. for example:

i was helping one particular gentleman on the phone one day; he was calling because when he and his wife came to the show, we had given them the wrong receipt on accident and he thought he was being charged $100 more than he really was. so i got his information and put him on "hold." (i say "hold" because with our phone system if we put someone on hold, it drops the call, so when we say that we're putting them on hold we're really just muting the call so they can't hear us, but we can still hear them--which is important in this story.) anyway, so while i was looking up his information and i can hear him talking in the background, and i hear him say "come on, this isn't rocket science" (talking about me). just to let him know i could still hear him, i unmuted the call and said "yes, i know, sir, but i have to look up your information to make sure you were charged the right amount." he seemed embarrassed after that. (i would be too)

when it happened, i was mad at first (don't insult my intelligence; i'm the only one allowed to do that) but then i realized how comical the situation was. i was really glad that i heard him say that because when i called him out on it and he realized i could hear him, hopefully he felt sheepish enough that he would think before mouthing off to another customer service representative.

i guess think was a bad example of a laughable situation, but i thought it was funny.

speaking of funny, i'm now going to reminisce about when tuacahn did "jospeh and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat" (for the third time), and we had enough funny that season to last for the rest of my life:

hi, can i get tickets for "joseph and his amazing shorts?" for "joseph and his electric coat," or "joseph smith and his coat" (only in utah). oh, and this was my personal favorite: "jose and his colored garments," (the guy had a brooklyn accent and said "hey, i'd like tickets for 'jose and his colored garments, or whatever the h** it's called; sorry, honey, i'm from new york." so just imagine a guy with a 65-year-old smoker voice with a brooklyn accent saying that and you get the idea.)

oh, people. how i love them.

the sum total

2011-07-29T00:59:00.002-06:00

I just took a vacation from my online/blogging life to explore the astoundingly green state of Washington with my family (the whole time we were exploring Seattle, I kept hearing "one short day, in the Emerald City! one short day to have a lifetime of fun!" we were there for more than a day, but you get the idea).

Okay, so I got back five days ago, and I've been itching to blog ever since I got back. So expect muchas fotos of my trip in the next little bit. For now, I just wanted to sum up my Seattle experience with this quote by Virginia Woolf:

"One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well."

(Thank you, Virginia, you make my life.)

In other words, if you want to hear about my trip, I will probably start with telling you about the food. Seattle has such good (mouthwateringly delicious) food that it makes up for the excessive amount of dreary cloud cover.

But instead of giving you all the drooling details right now, I'm going to bed. This has been a tiring work week (two jobs, lots of hours the last few days. tomorrow and saturday are going to be no exception.) I thank heaven that I have not only one, but two jobs this summer because I need to be saving money. But to be completely honest, sometimes I just want to play!

(I better be careful, or I might turn into a yellow)

Cheerio for now!

Something I will probably never do

2011-07-13T11:29:00.004-06:00

I say probably instead of definitely because every time I say absolutely definitely never, it always comes back to bite me in the butt.

Like working at Tuacahn, for example. I worked at Tuacahn from 2004-2006 year round (most employees are seasonal, but I worked as an off-season employee as well), and when I moved up to Provo, I parted ways with Tuacahn until I returned home for the 2007 summer season as I was preparing for my mission. After I got home, I worked there for the 2009 summer season then went back up to BYU in the fall. The next summer, I had a break thanks to my study abroad, but this summer here I am, back at Tuacahn. What can I say? It's the perfect summer job (it's hard to find a job that will hire for a three month period of time), I work with people I love, I get to see the shows for free (maybe I should have mentioned that first; it's probably the most important reason), and I can skip training every summer because I already know everything about selling tickets (really). Anyway, I don't know that I'm going to be back in St George next summer, because I'm sick of moving back and forth. We'll see. Again, I'm not going say never.

Anyway, back to the something I will (probably) never do:

Read Finnegan's Wake by James Joyce.

Really though. I've only skimmed a couple of pages in a British lit anthology, and on most pages there were more annotations than there was text. Half of the words are gibberish (idiosyncratic, if you want the technical term), and for heaven's sake, it starts and ends in the middle of a sentence! (It's actually the same sentence, interestingly enough. Where the sentence cuts off at

the end of the book, it picks up at the beginning. If that makes sense.)

I've read The Dead by James Joyce, a short story, and I actually enjoyed it a lot. The Dead, though, is very intelligible. Finnegan's Wake, on the other hand, is a mess. In one of my lit classes, my professor asked the class if anyone had completely read the book, and out of the whole class of 60, only one person raised his hand. The professor seemed surprised, and said "what are you, a masochist?" So I'm not the only person who thinks you would have to be crazy to read it.

It is very interesting to me though, so it's funny that I'm saying I'm not going to read something that is so fascinating to me.

Which is why I don't say definitely never.

I remember several years ago saying that I didn't think I would ever read the unabridged Les Miserables, and a few months later I started it. And finished it, although it took me awhile to get through the whole thing. (I had to take a break halfway through and read something else.) Reading Les Mis was one of the best literary decisions I have ever made; it's a pretty monumental, life changing book. I was glad I didn't hold myself to my previous statement saying I would never read it.

Never, then, doesn't always mean actually never. It might mean maybe possibly never, or absolutely definitely never.

You just never know.

Fotos I should've posted a long time ago

2011-07-08T21:20:00.014-06:00

Behold, the annual Valentine's Day party that the Johansen aunts throw for their nephews and niece! Notice that this was in February, which gives you an idea of how long I've needed to post pictures.

These were fudge brownie bites filled with raspberry jam. They were yum.

Valentine's Day tea sandwiches with hot chocolate. I think that is Gavin's place mat that he lovingly colored.

Millie's place mat

This is William after "eating" the brownie bite cookie (aka smashing it all over his face)

The kids! Millie, Ashton and Gavin. Cutest sobrinos ever!

Here are a couple of pictures from my birthday (also in February):

I just wanted to show you my delicious birthday cake, raw raspberry (and strawberry) tiramisu (no coffee, only chocolate and love).

I LOVE this picture! Me and the nephews.

I just had to include this picture of Merlin and my feet. I love my Merlin!

He would know! (the little squirt)

I was babysitting Millie and Will, and of course like most other toddlers, William wanted to walk around in his diaper. Who am I to stop him? They always have fun at our house with the complete collection of Chevron cars.

The line-up

Let's jump to April, when I walked at graduation and commencement even though I graduated in December. I was really glad I did though; I'm really not sure why people don't walk. I like to celebrate with pomp and circumstance! I have quite a few more pictures from graduation I need to steal from my dad's camera, but I wanted to post this one because even though it's kind of blurry, it's cool to see all the caps and gowns.

After graduation we went to the BOMBAY HOUSE, my favorite restaurant of all time. Ever.

El fin.

Angels Landing

2011-07-08T20:50:00.011-06:00

This year's climb up Angels Landing happened in May, so I'm only a couple months behind posting pictures! Mindy, Hailey and I hiked together, and we were glad Hailey made it because last time she almost fainted on the way up :) We blame it on Mindy, because if we don't keep her in check then she turns into a power hiker who practically runs up the trail while we are trailing behind smelling the roses. Anyway, Zion was so green this year--definitely more so than last year. You can't really tell from the pictures, though, because it was also kind of misty so the pictures didn't turn out as spectacularly as it looked in person. They never do! Well, I'm not the best photographer, but I like to take pictures anyway. Anyway, here goes:

the goal: it's only a little intimidating to know that at the end of the hike, we will be on top of this peak

switchbacks, also very intimidating

the chipmunks were VERY friendly at the top, probably because of all the people who think it's fine and dandy to feed them. I'm pretty sure these chipmunks would starve if the hike was closed!

this is the view that makes it all worth it!

Hailey, Mindy, and me, taken by an obliging hiker who was probably laughing at our attempts to take a picture of ourselves

this is the bottom part of the hike--cool shot, no?

once again, the friendly wildlife. we didn't see many squirrels but practically an army of chipmunks

Mindylou and Haileyjo

When we were hiking back down, we heard this really strange noise (a loud chirping, almost) and discovered that the source of the noise was this squirrel at the very tippy top of a tree. Mating call?

Remembering

2011-07-04T23:41:00.002-06:00

I must study politics and war that my sons have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history and naval architecture, navigation, commerce and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain.

John Adams, in a letter to his wife Abigail

I don't think I have ever properly thanked the Founding Fathers for everything I have because of their sacrifices. When I read this quote today, I was struck that I have much more to thank them for than I fully realized before. I am so grateful for them, for everyone one who has gone before me and studied mathematics, philosophy, geography, etc., so that I can study literature and music--two of my greatest loves. The Founders understood that they would have to make sacrifices in order for this country, for their posterity, to have liberty to live the way they wanted and to study what they wanted. They might have preferred fine arts to the art of politics and war, but they sacrificed so much of themselves so we could do what they perhaps wanted to, but couldn't. They gave us our future.

As I was coming home from my mission, the airplane landed and we went through security and customs and all that, and when the security guard checked my passport, he smiled and said "welcome home." I don't think I have ever felt more proud to be an American than I was at that moment. I had gone to Uruguay for 18 months and loved every minute of it, and last summer I went to the UK and fell head over heels for England, but America will always be home.

So no matter what anyone says about America's flaws, if we believe in America and preserve the legacy of the Founders, our children can have the same right to study and live however they choose.

Happy 4th of July!

And finally, graveyards

2011-07-02T19:57:00.028-06:00

Without further ado:

The first set of pictures is from my mission in Uruguay. I was fascinated with the whole process of burial in Uruguay. This is from what I understand about Uruguayan burial traditions: After the funeral ceremony, a person is laid to rest in a cemetery, or more likely, an above-the-ground niche. After a few years, the body is cremated and the remains are place in an urn. It sounds a little weird compared to our culture's traditions to, in essence, dig up a body after a couple of years and cremate the remains, but in such a small country as Uruguay, it makes sense.

First, here is the tomb of Jose Artigas in Montevideo, who is like the "George Washington" of Uruguay, according to one of my companions.

These statues of Artigas are ALL OVER THE PLACE in Uruguay. There's pretty much one in every city (maybe an exaggeration, but not by much).

Under the statue is the tomb, where lies:

the remains of General Jose Artigas himself, guarded carefully

This is a Jewish cemetery in La Paz, near Montevideo, Uruguay. Unfortunately, it was always padlocked, so I was never able to go inside and look around.

Instead, we just took pictures through the bars.

This is the cemetery in Pan de Azucar. I love this statue; she's so beautiful.

This is an example of the "above-the-ground niche" where people are buried for the first few years of being... dead. I suppose more wealthy people's graves or tombs looked more like this:

These seem to be more permanent than the above-the-ground spots, so maybe if you have enough money, you can afford a permanent residence in a tomb.

There are rows and rows of urns in the cemetery. It's fascinating to walk around and see all the different urns.

And now, we will travel to a different continent to visit some graveyards in the UK:

This is Oxford. My dream is to study there one day! This little graveyard is right inside of Christ's Church college, which is the area where we spent most of our time at Oxford. Christ's Church is the old stomping ground of Charles Dodgson (more commonly known as Lewis Carroll, author of the Alice books).

This, my friends (you can't read it unless you zoom very closely) is the tombstone of Thomas Riddell in Edinburgh, Scotland. This awesome little graveyard is right by the Elephant House, which is a little cafe where JK Rowling supposedly started writing Harry Potter on a napkin. She is said to have walked through this graveyard getting ideas for names in her books. Looking through the graveyard, we not only found this grave, but also Mooney, Black, and McGonagall. Pretty neat!

This, if you notice, is not a graveyard. This is Winchester Cathedral, where Jane Austen herself was laid to rest.

There you go.

Glastonbury Abbey is the fabled burial site of Arthur and Guinevere (for awesome pictures of Glastonbury, see this blog)

This little graveyard in Bemerton, which was George Herbert's rectory.

Bemerton, again.

Stoke Poges, the graveyard that inspired Thomas Grey's poem "Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard."

Stoke Poges, again.

This is the Bronte Parsonage in Haworth. Amaaaaaazing! I loved their little parsonage, and as I have mentioned before, I can definitely understand where Charlotte and Emily Bronte were coming from writing their creepy Gothic novels. Loved Haworth, love the moors, love them.

Love, love, love.

Quite good, quite good

2011-06-21T12:15:00.003-06:00

Some days are poetry days. Lyric days.

...These are my knees
My knees.
I may be skin and bone,
Nevertheless, I am the same, identical women.
The first time it happened
I was ten.
It was an accident.
The second time I meant
To last it out
and not come back at all.
I rocked shut
As a seashell.
They had to call
and call
And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.
Dying is an art,
like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well...

Sylvia Plath, from Lady Lazarus

I love Sylvia Plath. I mean, really, "dying is an art; I do it exceptionally well": is there any way that you can really not recognize the genius? I read The Bell Jar, her autobiographical novel, and then followed it up with her biography. Her life was sad, not necessarily because of anything physical or tangible, but because of depression. Sometimes the turmoil of the mind is worse than any outer influence. Her life was tragic, but she left a legacy of fascinating poetry.

Crowds of men and women attired in the usual costumes! how curious you are to me!
On the ferry-boats, the hundreds and hundreds that cross, returning home, are more curious to me than you suppose.
And you that shall cross from shore to shore years hence, are more to me, and more to my meditations, than you might suppose.

Walt Whitman, from Crossing Brooklyn Ferry

Of course, poetry from a man that looks like a scraggly Santa Clause is always fun.

Sometimes I ask to sneak a closer look
Skip to the final chapter chapter of the book
And then maybe steer us clear from some of the pain it took
To get us where we are this far
But the question drowns in its futility
And even I have got to laugh at me
No one gets to miss the storm of what will be
Just holding on for the ride
The wood is tired and the wood is old
We'll make it fine if the weather holds
But if the weather holds we'll have missed the point
That's where I need to go.

Emily Saliers of the Indigo Girls, from The Wood Song

Of course it's better with music. But I'm always impressed with the Indigo Girls' lyrics; go Emily Saliers and Amy Ray!

Anyway, I'll spare you from poetry I've written; I have only written a few poems, and they are all pretty bad. I definitely have room for improvement on that! But that's what the Creative Writing MFA is all about--I really can't wait to start! I'm excited and scared and anxious, especially to be teaching a class. That's definitely an intimidating venture, but I think I'll love it once I get past the nerves. Less than two months to go!

bug-bitten and wind-blown

2011-06-18T09:48:00.004-06:00

This week, I had my first-ever experience as a girls' camp leader. To be specific, I was the girls' camp cook.

And let me tell you (if I do say so myself), the food was pretty darn good. Let me give you a few examples:

Banana boats: basically, to make banana boats, you take a banana (still in the peel) and slice it from top to bottom so you can open it up inside the peel. Then, you stuff the banana full of chocolate chips, marshmallows, toffee bits (with are excellent), coconut, etc., and when you are satisfied that nothing else could possibly fit, you close it up as possible, wrap it in tin foil, and place it directly on hot coals. Then after a few minutes, the chocolate and marshmallow get melted and gooey and delicious. It's basically amazing.

Chicken teriyaki: another tin foil creation. We precooked the chicken so it would take less time, but you could definitely cook the chicken inside the foil. You take the chicken pieces with bell peppers, onions and teriyaki sauce, wrap it all up in foil, cook on coals, and serve over rice. I was apprehensive about it because I'd never tried cooking it before, but it was a big success.

Who says you can't have fabulous food at girls' camp?

There were also a few things I learned while I was at camp:

No matter how big and fancy a tent, it is still subject to the weather. One of our tents was destroyed in the wind (unfortunatly, it belonged to one of the camp leaders and not to the church). The tent poles literally snapped in half. It was pretty intense; we were happy that it wasn't while anyone was inside.

Gnats are really really REALLY annoying. Everyone probably agrees with me, but try to amplify a normal annoyance of gnats by six, and you would understand how our camp felt at the swarms of gnats we had to deal with. For some reason, I was immune to mosquitos, but my poor sister Hailey and her friend Maren were absolutely chewed to bits by both mosquitos and gnats. Hailey has been trying everything under the sun to get rid of the unceasing itchiness, from banana peels to hand sanitizer. Pobrecita.

I can fit 44 of the small straight pretzels in my mouth in two minutes. We were playing a game with different types of challenges, from tying ties (which is hard for girls), to eating things like sardines and pretzels. I tried chewing at first, but after the first minute I was just shoving them into all the empty spaces. Right when the two minutes were up (I won!), I ran straight to the garbage can to spit them out; I don't think I'll be able to look at another pretzel for a long time. Oh, the things we do for the sake of competition.

Because we were camping by a reservoir, we took advantage of access to canoes, paddle boats, and my personal favorite, 2 or 3 person sailboats. After getting the hang of it, I pretty much rocked my sailboat.

I enjoyed being at girls' camp as a leader more than I expected to. Despite being plagued by gnats and wind, it was still a great experience.

A few noteworthy things

2011-06-06T12:59:00.005-06:00

I've had some internet/blogging issues lately (lame), so I haven't posted in a couple weeks. I spent time creating a lovely post featuring cemeteries I've been to, but thanks to blogger, I lost the whole post. So, I was bitter against blogger and didn't try again for a week. THEN, we had a little power outage which for some reason knocked out our internet; we got the internet going on the house computers, but my laptop is still not recognizing the network. Fabulous.

Normally, it wouldn't be a problem, and I'd just post on another computer, but I really wanted to post some pictures.

I am resigned. As soon as I get the internet working on my laptop, I will post pictures of:

*graveyards. yep, you're excited.

*my midweek trip to Zion National Park. I went with my sisters Mindy and Hailey, and we decided to run up and hike Angels Landing (Hailey had never hiked all the way up before). It's a tough hike, but the view is worth every ounce of sweat. I'm excited to post pictures. As a side note, the chipmunks and squirrels at the very top are CRAZY. Apparently people ignore the "don't feed the wildlife" signs, because obviously they depend on humans for trail mix and granola bars, and they definitely let you know that they're hungry. Another side note: on the way back, we stopped at Cafe Soleil for lunch (excelente) and a little chocolate factory for dessert (I wish I could remember the name: it was sensational). If you're visiting Zions, there are a ton of eclectic cafes in Springdale; I have only tried a couple, but would love to try them all.

*my nephew's baptism. Well, not the actual baptism, of course, but we pictures of him with his cute tie. It was great! I hadn't been to a baptism since my mission (two years ago!), so I pretty much cried through half of it. I had to play my violin for a musical number before the confirmation, and that was scary, because I hadn't picked up my violin in several months. Good thing I had my Hailey to cover up my scary out-of-tuneness, because she plays the piano like a pro. Along with a few other things, I have a goal to pick up my violin and play more this summer before I start grad school and have no time.

Anyway, check back for pictures. I promise to post them!

Oh, and one more thing: The city of Ivins is repaving all the roads and putting curb and gutter in, and I am so annoyed with whoever they hired to do the job. They tore up our road about a month ago, and so far the only progress we've seen is a curb. No sidewalks, and no pavement. Just a dirt road that is going to be the death of my car.

Besides, I like Ivins better without sidewalks. Don't ask me why.

Jane Eyre, and why I spent 2 hours at Barnes and Noble

2011-05-23T10:50:00.002-06:00

This past weekend my sister Hailey and I really wanted to see Pirates 4. We were going to go Thursday for the midnight showing, but I was sick on Wednesday and by the time I decided I was feeling well enough to go, it was already sold out. So we decided to go on Saturday, because Friday there was a girls' camp 4th/5th year hike and overnighter that we were both going on.(I'm a camp leader--camp cook, yo!) Anyway, so Saturday was the night. But when we got there (we even arrived early) it was sold out. Boo. However, I remember that I hadn't seen the new Jane Eyre movie, so we got tickets for that. We got the tickets at about 7 45, and the show wasn't starting for another 2 hours, so we had two options:

1. go home (20 minutes away), or

2. go to Barnes and Noble (just around the corner)

We decided to play around at Barnes and Noble. First, we sat down in the middle of the "bargain books" aisle and started looking at all sorts of random books, like Warrior Women in History and The 50 Greatest Lies in History (which Hailey promptly put back on the shelf after we read that they thought the Founding Fathers were power-hungry and not motivated by moral conviction. Not a good thing to say to Hailey.) We looked at their JRR Tolkien books, including a beautifully illustrated copy of The Hobbit. We then found an optical illusion book, and sat down on a couch and entertained ourselves with it for awhile. Luckily, there's a mini Starbucks inside Barnes and Noble, so we got Starbucks smoothies (which are, by the way, way better than I expected).

And that about did it. We headed back to the movie theater and got ready to see the newest movie version of my favorite book. Here's the verdict:

I loved it. Granted, I'm generally not hard to please, but I am picky with my Jane Eyre movies, because they never seem to get the character of Mr Rochester right. I thought the casting in this movie was brilliant, even though it was hard to fully develop Jane and Mr Rochester's relationship in such a short amount of time. They did have good chemistry though. I loved the fact that this version really played into the creepy elements of the novel, because it reality it is a gothic novel, so I was glad to see the gothic elements more emphasized.

I love everything about Jane Eyre in general, so it was just exciting to see more of it. When I went to the Bronte parsonage in England, it was one of my favorite days in the world. You can really understand why Charlotte and Emily wrote gothic novels; for heaven's sake, they lived next to a graveyard! And not just a regular graveyard, either. A creepy, mossy, overgrown graveyard (well, it has been almost 200 years since they lived, but I imagine the graveyard was still creepy). Old graveyards are pretty much one of my favorite things. I should post pictures from some of my favorite graveyards (would right now, but I'm at work, so maybe tomorrow. r later today.)

Anyway, I think that's all.

the convection oven

2011-05-17T10:50:00.002-06:00

I adore Amy Krouse Rosenthal's idea of creative nonfiction in encyclopedia format. It makes me want to document my entire life in encyclopedia format. Really, though, wouldn't that be a delightful way to journal? Every day I could write a new entry for my encyclopedia, although I don't know if I would ever try to publish it, because Rosenthal has that covered already. Does the world want two Encyclopedias of an Ordinary Life? I guess I could get to work and have an exciting life, and mine could be called Encyclopedia of an Exciting Life. For right now though, my life is not necessarily exciting to anyone but myself. So, anyway, if I decided to write encyclopedia-journals, today's entry would look something like this:

CONVECTION OVEN/MICROWAVE

Today my dad suprised my mom by having a convection oven/microwave delivered to our house. He did this because several weeks ago, I was using the microwave and noticed strange sounds and smells emitting from the appliance. When I opened it to remove whatever I was warming up, and found that the food was still cold. Strange. The microwave before that one had to be replaced shortly after, as a teenager, I decided to see what would happen if I microwaved a cd (by the way, it was very "cool"--I only put it in for 3 or 4 seconds, and it sparked inside the microwave and had a crackled design when I took it out). My family tried to blame the loss of the microwave on me, but I maintained that the microwave was old and broken anyway, so whatever I did was a mere drop in the bucket. So, considering these accusations, it was interesting to me that I was the one to discover our current microwave's brokenness. Our new contraption is both a convection oven and a microwave which is, let's face it, pretty genius. I can't wait to use it.

Bahahaha

2011-05-14T23:31:00.002-06:00

I'm reading this book right now, and it is seriously cracking me up. Allow me to share with you a few of my favorite entries so far:

"BROKER

It is weird and unsettling that a person who is hired to handle your money, make wise decisions about it, and, ostensibly, keep you from losing it is called a broker.

BROTHER

My brother, who grew up with three sisters, was I won't say how many years old when he finally realized that he did not have to wrap the towel around his chest when he came out of the shower.

...

CALLING SOMEONE'S NAME

You're calling someone's name, trying to get their attention. Perhaps you're in a crowd. Or they are across the street. Or they went to get popcorn and Raisinets and are now looking for you in the packed movie theater. You cup your hands around your mouth and repeatedly call their name, waving your name--Here I am--but they don't hear or see you. No matter who they are--a lawyer, a surgeon, a Latin scholar--they look like an idiot searching for you, craning their head like that, and you question your intelligence."

Oh, and here's the foreword:

"I was not abused, abandoned, or locked up as a child. My parents were not alcoholics, nor were they ever divorced or dead. We did not live in poverty, or in misery, or in an exotic country. I am not a misunderstood genius, a former child celebrity, or the child of a celebrity. I am not a drug addict, sex addict, food addict, or recovered anything. If I indeed had a past life, I have no recollection of who I was.

I have no survived against all odds.

I have not lived to tell.

I have not witnessed the extraordinary.

This is my story."

So creative, so entertaining. And I'm only on letter C.

Love it. Although I kind of wish someone had edited out the profanity in the first couple of pages. Oh, contemporary literature.

something i love

2011-05-11T10:32:00.004-06:00

rocks:

southern Utah is a fascinating geological playground; meaning, we have mountains characteristic of the rest of Utah (grey rock, covered in greenish plants) blended with more desert-like mountains (red rock, speckled with sagebrush). There is also a smattering of gnarled, sharp lava rocks from an ancient lava flow and fossils indicating that parts of this area were at one point under the sea. There are fault lines, colorful layers of sandstone, and blue clay that destroys houses. One of the reasons I am particularly attached to this area might be the geology of it. I know there are geological wonders in other areas, and I would love to live in other places, but this place is special to me for other reasons than the fact that it is my home. For example, I would love to visit places with active volcanoes, because I'm weirdly attracted to them. Here there are only ancient lava flows, but nothing (currently) active. And I've slept through the only sizeable earthquake we've had here in a couple decades. Not that I wish the devastation of natural disasters on areas that I live, but aside from the risk of death and distruction, it would be exciting to experience. Anyway.

I took a geology class a few years ago (six, maybe?) when I was attending Dixie State College, and it was one of my favorite classes. Someday, I will get a degree in geology (and history, and music, and other things).

But with a degree in creative writing, I'll just write about them, and save the degree for another life.

And in that life, I can devote myself to studying rocks. And it will be fun.

just because I wanted to

2011-05-06T17:44:00.003-06:00

Please allow me to share with you one of the most beautiful sentences I have read in awhile:

"...time seemed to have shaken off its quotidian moorings to reveal something of of its true scale and unnerving nature."
{from the essay "Table Manners" in Chris Arthur's Words of the Grey Wind}

When I read that unbelievably beautiful sentence, I had to read it again, then stop, sigh, and thank heaven for people like Chris Arthur who blow me away with the way they have mastered the English language. Praises.

things I need:

2011-05-06T17:02:00.003-06:00

*to refrain from online shopping while working at the Tuacahn Box office. Really, though, the moment there's a bit of down time I'm all over eBay and Amazon. I just bid on a Cath Kidston purse (it's beautiful, and I need a new purse. I swear.) I did bring a book (two, actually) so thankfully I have the option of staying offline and reading. Reading will be my protection against overspending this summer :)

*to get more sleep. I was over an hour late to work at my dad's office this morning because I slept in, and unfortunately the excuse that I have a headache and allergies doesn't always fly. (Sorry Dad!)

*to tell all of you that I got GOOD NEWS this week about the fall. I got approved to teach a freshman-level writing class at BYU while I am grad schooling. Yes, starting this fall, I will be an instructor at Brigham Young University. Heaven help my students!

*to have a vacation. I don't know if I can wait until the Seattle trip at the end of July.

*to blog more.

*to see Little Mermaid at Tuacahn. I love working in the box office (perfect summer job) because I get FREE TICKETS! They are also doing Grease this summer, which isn't my absolute favorite musical, but I will most likely see it anyway. Can't wait for June!

*to write. I haven't writted a lot lately, so I definitely need to change that. I think there should be a time for experiencing and a time for writing, although there is never a bad time to write. I think I've been in the experiencing phase for awhile, with all sorts of unexpected, sometimes unwanted, events that take some time to process. But lately I've been getting all sorts of ideas, and I need to start recording them. Like yesterday, I flopped down on my bed and, staring at my stretched out, sleeping cat, I thought what it would be like to be a cat. That would be an interesting avenue to explore. Or why the movie Ben Hurr is my favorite movie to watch on Easter. Or what it is about chocolate that makes it irresistable (besides the caffeine, people. I'm not looking for the obvious.) Or my obsession with dying my hair (I haven't dyed my hair for awhile, but believe me, it's tempting.) Anyway, lots to think about.

And that's all for now!

how I got a fat lip, and other things

2011-04-27T16:50:00.005-06:00

Last week was BYU graduation, so I went even though I really graduated in December, and I'm not even living in Provo right now. There are quite a few people who think it's pointless to walk, because all you get is a few hours' worth of speakers and an empty diploma cover. I, however, am an advocate of tradition and ceremony; I think traditions are important because they help us establish identity as groups, cultural or familial or otherwise. Commencement is also a way to celebrate not only the accomplishment of graduating, but the support of family and friends who made this accomplishment possible. Anyway, on with life and this post.

My favorite part about graduation was going to dinner at the Bombay House afterwards. It is really, truly, now and forever hands-down my favorite restaurant (ever). If you have never been there, please repent and go immediately. If you have been there and don't agree with me, then I'm sorry for your loss.

Graduation pictures to follow, by the way, as soon as I finagle my dad's camera from him and steal his memory card.

After graduation, my Grandma told me I had nice legs. I love her (:

I finished North and South. love that book.

Speaking of books, today I was on my bed trying to coax our kitty Merlin away from my sister when suddenly this book jumped from its previously dormant position on my bed and attacked me:

and that's how I got a fat lip. It's probably not the most exciting story. I could have said that a criminal broke into our house last night and hit me in the face with a 2x4, but that would probably give me more than just a fat lip, and it would be an outright lie. If it was true, this post's title would probably have read: "how I survived a vicious attack, and other things." As it is, the story I did tell wasn't entirely truthful, because my book didn't come to life and assault me; it merely responded to being tossed from its resting place on the covers in the general direction of my face.

Oh, one more thing. These four albums make up my new favorite playlist:

*The Decemberists: The King is Dead (best album ever? I'm still trying to decide)

*Sufjan Stevens: Greetings from Michigan

*Missy Higgins: On a Clear Night, and

*A Fine Frenzy: Bomb in a Birdcage

love, love, love. love.

books books books

2011-04-17T20:21:00.002-06:00

I told myself at the beginning of the year that I was going to try a new method of book reading: I was going to only read one book at a time. That lasted for, say, one book. I'm in the middle of three right now (and eyeing a fourth):

Words of the Grey Wind, by Chris Arthur, is a fantastic book of personal essays. I read part of it last year for a Creative Nonfiction class, and am returning to read all the essays and reread all the rest. I find myself underlining massive passages, and finally stopped altogether, because I pretty much love everything. If you are at all into personal essays, you should definitely put this one on your list. And if you're not into personal essays, then you should be.

The fact that I am reading Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing, by Mignon Fogarty, shows that I am a grammar nerd. Yes, I like to read about grammar--it's very interesting to me. I left this book at work once, and when I called to see if it was there, they had assumed it was mine because I would be the only one to actually enjoy reading about grammar. Eats, Shoots, and Leaves wins hands down though. Love that book.

North and South, by Elizabeth Gaskell. I am in love with Victorian novels just as much as I'm in love with essays, and I'm really enjoying this love affair. I watched the BBC version of North and South last summer, and absolutely adored it. I almost wish I had read the book first, because I don't like having preconceived interpretations of the characters; I like to imagine for myself what they are like first, and then appreciate the film's different ideas. However, everytime I read about Mr. Thornton, I can't complain about having Richard Armitage's face flash through my mind. Mmmm.

I am definitely taking advantage of not being in school right now by reading like the crazy bookworm I am. I'm going to tear through my reading list for the next few months. Hoorah for literature!

thoughts on rain

2011-04-13T23:31:00.011-06:00

you'll notice, and you may think it odd, that the first picture featured in my post "thoughts on rain" does not illustrate any sort of precipitation. this is intentional, because i want to start out talking about my desert home. as you can see, blue sky is nothing new to me. where i grew up, in sunny southern utah, the skies were blue (the blue in this picture isn't even a whisper of the real live color), and clear, without much interruption from rain. in fact, i remember several summers in a row when uproarious thunder and lighting storms without rain caused wildfires in every direction, leaving a smoky film in the air while firefighters from all over the place camped out at a local high school while they were fighting the fires. rain is a bit of an anomaly. but occasionally, rain comes with a vengeance, causing widespread flooding:

like in 2005 and 2010, for example. right before the flood in january 2005, southern utah had experienced a severe drought, and the parched desert was literally dying for a drink of water. we all prayed and fasted for rain, and rain we got. homes washed away in rivers that, just days before, were barely trickles. we called it the "100 year flood." funny thing is, in december 2010, floodwaters rose to levels higher than those of the 2005 flood. thankfully, not many homes were destroyed (probably because all the ones in the dangerous floodplain already washed away in 2005). to put the above picture in perspective, the water flowing under the bridge is normally 7 or so feet lower, and in fact, not much more than a little stream. it's amazing what a few days of rain can do.

on my mission in uruguay, i experienced rain as i'd never experienced it before. i truly understood what torrential rain means. in this particular instance, it was barely sprinkling when my companion and i left the house, so we didn't think it was necessary to put on our rain jackets, because it was hardly raining; however, not five minutes after we left our apartment, in started raining freaking lions and wolves (a grown-up version of cats and dogs)--i don't think i have ever been so very, very wet. we had to dash back to our apartment to get our rain jackets, but by the time we got there, it didn't really do much good. the damage was already done. falling, sopping, dripping, drenching, drowning.

and then there was london. rain in england can be torrential, but most often it is a foggy mist, weighing down the air so heavy it feels like you are walking through a wall of water. humid rain was not something that i was familiar with before uruguay and england. when it rains in uruguay, everyone shuts themselves up in their homes and make tortas fritas; in england, people put up umbrellas or brave the rain without protection and life goes on as usual. i must say, there is something romantic and dreamy about seeing london in the rain--the traffic seems hushed in the mist, the thames soaks up the moisture as it has done for hundreds of years, and i feel like i am seeing the same london captivated by will shakespeare's plays, or brought to life in virginia woolf's street hauntings, or through the eyes of anyone who has succeeded at capturing the city into a word, a phrase, a photograph.

wherever i go, rain is different. but i'm a little bit different too.

*if you'd like to, visit the we are women project blog to see my guest post today. *

living the higher law

2011-04-08T15:06:00.003-06:00

okay, so this blog post should really be "a note about the honor code: part two," but i didn't want anyone to expect a rant similar to the one i posted a couple days ago.

i didn't mean to vent; i was merely expressing frustration that a lot of people seemed to be needlessly complaining about the honor code. then this morning, i read something that made me realize that my reflection on the honor code wasn't finished.

i'm in the middle of "the broken heart: applying the atonement to life's experiences" by bruce c. hafen, and so far it has been so intriguing and thought-provoking that once i finish it, i almost want to read it again and take good notes this time (which may be difficult, considering the fact that i'm in the middle of a couple other books and have many more anxiously awaiting on my "to read" list).

anyway, so in the chapter "grace and the higher law," elder hafen is discussing the law of moses versus the higher law that christ taught, and he relates his discussion to this familiar topic:

"as i think about dress and grooming standards at our church schools, i yearn for the day when our students will understand the purpose behind the standards, which is so different from merely yielding to them with a technical, superficial compliance. . . speaking from the perspective of the higher law, the lord said 'it is not meet that i should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant' (d&c 58:26). those who attend church schools may only comply with the outward appearance of dress and grooming standards, but i hope they will also learn enough from those standards about modesty, dignity, and masculinity and femininity that as time goes on, they will apply those principles sensibly throughout their lives, no longer needing a church-sponsored code to tell them how to dress. when we learn correct principles, we do govern ourselves."

that struck me because i think at times i fall under the category of those who live the honor code with a "technical, superficial compliance." but it also helped me to understand why i feel the honor code is important, that it really has less to do with rules and curfews and more to do with the commitment of our hearts to becoming more like our savior.

everyone is at a different level of commitment in the gospel, and the honor code is there to remind us of our covenants as members of the church. think of how much it sets us apart (in a good, not pompous way) from other universities! it helps us to become the city set on a hill that "cannot be hid.

searching for blogs

2011-04-07T18:00:00.005-06:00

i follow quite a few blogs, but unfortunately i've noticed that of the long list i follow, only a few regularly update. (sorrow). i very much enjoy reading the blogs that i already follow, but i am craving more.

also, most of the blogs i follow belong to my friends or family members, which is great, but i really want to branch out and possibly start blog stalking complete strangers. most people do, but i have never been able to really connect the strangers i have blog stalked. i usually end up disinterested with their lives, and stop following their blogs shortly after i start.

they don't necessarily have to be strangers, but i'm not going to exclude someone just because i'm not personally acquainted with him or her.

the bloggers don't have to lead exciting lives, but i am searching for people with unique perspectives, for people that find importance in the small, seemingly unexceptional details of life.

any suggestions?

a note about the honor code

2011-04-06T12:28:00.008-06:00

i'm going to throw my oar into the byu honor code discussion:

lately, i've been noticing plenty of my byu-attending friends on facebook complaining about or making jabs at the byu honor code. there are also plenty of non-byu-attending people who think the honor code is ridiculous, but this post isn't necessary about them. anyway. it drives me up the wall when byu students complain about the honor code. why? let me explain.

1. when you apply to byu, you are made aware of the honor code stipulations. when you get accepted and register, you have to sign the honor code. so, if you thought it was stupid or pointless, why did you sign it? why do you go to byu? one of the great things about byu is the opportunity to study in an environment where the spirit can be felt, and that could be attributed to the majority of the byu students who actually follow the honor code.

2. i wonder why people bristle under rules. my previous blog post was about a conversation i had with my grandpa, and this subject came up. maybe i'm a lot like him: i don't mind following rules. it doesn't hurt me to keep the honor code. if it keeps my roommates' boyfriends from hanging out all hours of the night, i'm on board. really though, there are so many things to get worked up about in life. save your energy for getting good grades.

3. one last thing: the dress and grooming standards. i admit, i have had the urge to dye a chunk of my hair blue, but i can be patient enough to wait until i graduate. so if i really wanted to, i could satisfy that urge and have blue hair until september when i go back for grad school. and about dress standards, i'll just say how much i love not seeing girls in butt shorts and halters everyday in class.

oh, and guys: i understand that you might feel it's necessary to have a beard if you want to satisfy your manhood or whatever, but would it kill you to wait until you graduate? you have plenty of beard-growing days ahead of you. and please, no more mustaches. they are only for old men and hitler, and i have yet to see a guy who looks great with a mustache. i admit, some guys look great with facial hair, but all the rest look like straggly jack sparrow wannabes. so i'm willing to sacrifice looking at the few men that actually look good with facial hair if it means i don't have to see those who should leave beard growing to aragorn.

if you are so entirely opposed to all or some of the honor code, then UVU or U of U are pretty close. i'm sure they would welcome you and your issues with open arms.

soldiers, cowboys, and such

2011-03-31T12:33:00.005-06:00

last week, i had the opportunity to talk to my grandpa johansen for awhile. well, i was mostly listening! i got to hear lots of wonderful true stories about his life. my grandpa served in the army during the korean war, and he told me a lot about his experience in the army. here are a couple of things i learned:

1. at basic training (boot camp), they had all sorts of crazy rules: they had to lace their boots criss-cross on even days, and straight across on odd days, they had to wear certain ties wtih certain shirts on certain days, have their closets and foot lockers lined up in perfect order, and their shirts that were hung up had to be buttoned up all the way. i also remember him saying on another occasion that they had to make their beds with the sheets pulled so tightly that a quarter could bounce on their beds! he said that although some of the rules seemed unimportant, they all served the purpose of training the guys to take orders from their superiors, so when they ended up in combat, they would respond quickly to orders that would save their lives.

2. the guys who rebelled and didn't want to follow all the rules ended up with "kp" duty (kitchen patrol), or had to clean the barracks, instead of having weekends free to go to town or go home. from listening to the stories, i can tell that my grandpa was the type of person who obeyed orders--he said that if you obeyed orders, they pretty much left you alone, so he apparently never rocked the boat.

3. he told me about learning hand-to-hand combat and knife fighting from an indian who had served in the vietnam war, and that they had to learn how to operate all the different types of guns, as well as take apart and put back together their m16s blindfolded, so if their guns jammed at night in combat, they would be able to fix it.

4. when he was in korea, he tripped two land mines, and neither one of them exploded! he was definitely watched over. it blows my mind to think about what would have happened had he not come back from korea--my dad would never have been born, or any of his siblings, or their children, or ME and my sisters. well, i've always thought about what would have happened had my mom married someone else--would i still have been sent to her? how would i have been different with a different dad? food for thought.

after talking for awhile, my grandpa was trying unsuccessfully to find a western on tv to watch, so i turned on "rio lobo" for him, and sat down to watch it with him. my dad also came in to watch it with us. watching the movie with them, i remembered something about growing up: i would always watch westerns with my dad, which is why i have a fondness for john wayne and "lonesome dove" (the greatest western ever made, according to my dad). i think my always watching westerns explains one difference between my sister jessi and i: she has an almost zero tolerance of violence in movies, so when we watch movies together she will think something is really shocking and it won't phase me as much. i'm not saying that really gross stuff doesn't bother me, or that i'm proud of being more desensitized to violence, it is merely an observation. i can pretty much peg it back to john wayne. i might not have played cowboys and indians as a child, but i certainly watched them!

there's no place like home

2011-03-27T21:16:00.003-06:00

it's so nice to jump out of the car after 3.5 hours, stretch, smell the earthy ivins smell, notice how much warmer it is than provo, hold my kitties, and look forward to sleeping in my bed.

this past week in provo was both productive and relaxing. i signed a housing contract for this fall (i'm going to be in a house! i'm so excited; i was so tired of apartments, and i'm looking forward to living with my good friend holly clark!), had an interview for a grad student instructor position, presented a paper at byu's english symposium (which was so much more enjoyable than i expected it to be. not that i expected it to be unenjoyable, but i was pleasantly surprised. and i loved hearing other students present their papers. my favorite part was the creative nonfiction panel--it got me so excited to start grad school this fall and learn from not only the professors but my peers. it's hard not to be intimidated but i'm just looking forward to all that i have to learn.), ate at the cocoa bean twice (i ate entirely too much sugar this week, especially after going for about three months with virtually no sugar on a daily basis. i plan to buckle down this week and go back to my no-processed-or-refined-sugars norm.), loved spending time with jessi (although i'm sure she's relieved to some measure that i'm gone; i kept her up way too late and i'm sure she will be much more productive without my distractions!)

all in all, it was a wonderful week. but i'm glad to be home in the shadow of the red mountain. there's no place like ivins!

the waiting game

2011-03-23T19:12:00.003-06:00

life is made up of different types of waiting. right now, i am waiting for:

the byu/florida game tonight (in an hour and a half). i've never followed basketball much, but i was intrigued early in the season by the jimmer hype. then i started watching the games, and i am obsessed. i don't even feel bad one bit about how much i am obsessed with byu basketball.
the next pirates of the caribbean movie to come out. i'm completely okay with the fact that this pirates movie is sans elizabeth and will; in fact, i think their story is over. jack sparrow's story, though, is never over.
the results of my interview with the university writing center. if my interview was a success, i will be teaching english 150: writing and composition to freshman younglings starting this fall when i begin my grad school career. i'm not sure if the interview was successful or not; i walked in and was suddenly very nervous, and had to stop myself from wringing my hands, feeling awkward and overdressed, and stuttering. i did, in fact, ramble, but i hope for the best. i should find out by the first of may.
the time when i have enough money to buy a macbook laptop. my sister's laptop crashed recently, and she lost literally everything. i got my laptop at the same time as she did, so i feel like mine is a ticking bomb. a very uncomfortable feeling.
SUMMER! if you read this blog with any sort of frequency, you will notice that i'm as obsessed with the coming warm weather as i currently am with jimmer. i have more than one reason to be excited for summer: my sister is doing an internship this summer in seattle, and i am going to visit her!! i've never been to seattle before, so i'm looking forward to it.
the next time i will eat a cupcake at the cocoa bean. and the next movie with matt damon in it (i've already seen adjustment bureau twice).
the opening of the st george farmer's market in may! fresh produce! and raw cheese from the polygamist farmers! SO GOOD.

seed sowing

2011-03-19T13:45:00.003-06:00

yesterday was a very important day. my mom and i started planting in the garden! we planted carrots, parsnips, turnips, swiss chard, and an assortment of herbs (thyme, oregano, lavender, chives, dill, cilantro, peppermint, lime mint, etc... yum). before too long, we will plant beets, onions, greens, radishes, green beans, cucumbers, squash, zucchini, tomatoes, peppers, and cantaloupe. i'm so excited! oh, and we planted little strawberry plants too.

i've been wanting to learn more about gardening for years, so being at home for a few months lends me the opportunity to become a garden apprentice and follow my mum around in the backyard.

by the way, the forsythia plants are in bloom, which officially ushers in spring. welcome back, warmness! it has truly been too long.

i am currently inspired by all things growing and blooming, by the bright green and yellow and pink of the new season, by the size and shape the different seeds i planted, and by the prospect of fresh organic veggies from our backyard garden. delightful!

the backyard forsythia blooms

sorry, i've been busy

2011-03-17T12:40:00.003-06:00

i had been wanting (craving, even) to read the fablehaven series again for awhile. so, last monday, i started the first book, then a couple days later i finished it, then the second, third, fourth, fifth, and before i knew it, i had finished the entire series in a week and a half.

better than harry potter (i tell no lies!)

patchwork post from a long absence

2011-03-10T16:43:00.002-07:00

*first of all, i just wanted to say that i'm a little sad that oranges are on their way out of season (actually, they're probably already out). out-of-season oranges just aren't the same. sad day.

*news: i'm 26 now. that happened on february 20th. i don't know that there's anything exciting about being 26, except that i'm closer in age to a fifty-year-old person than i am to a newborn infant. oh, and 26 is the age of being kicked off my parents' health insurance, yippee!

*a couple of weeks ago, i found out that i got into the creative writing master's program at byu. i am THRILLED about this, though slightly overwhelmed and a little stressed. i was so grateful to get in, especially because this was the only school i applied to. (talk about putting all my eggs in one basket!) i probably should have applied to more than one, but it worked out okay, right? right. along with getting into grad school, i am applying to teach a freshman-level writing class at byu, which is something i was told that most grad students in the english program do. that would be quite the adventure! i think it's something i would enjoy, once i got over the nerves. i was going to blog about the good news right away, buuuuuuut....

*i got sick, so i was miserably attached to a kleenex box for a few days, and i didn't feel like updating my blog. after a few days of being miserable, i started to send positive affirmations to my immune system cells, and i even visualized my immune cells kicking the virus' butt. it must have worked, because i'm just fine and dandy now.

*yeah, i think that's it.

don't even try to change my mind

2011-02-18T15:58:00.006-07:00

you can give me all the reasons in the world why not to love cats.

you can say that they are lazy, grouchy, snotty, or vicious.

you can say whatever you want, but it's just not going to do any good.

whatever you say, i will still always love cats.

meet holly. she is very independent and likes her distance (and likes to sleep). but she also loves to be scratched under her chin.

peacefully sleeping kitty

meet merlin: he is slightly deranged (but in a good way), and he lets me cuddle him (and he has the softest fir in the world), and because of the coloring on his face, he always looks a little cross-eyed. which is one of the most endearing parts about him.

he saw that i was packing and jumped into my suitcase to say "no! stay!"

thank you for indulging my need to post about my kitties.

i want to be a typer when i grow up

2011-02-16T21:11:00.003-07:00

i had a thought last night when i was trying to sleep. it went something like this:

writing. nobody really writes anymore, do they? and this is the part where you think i know a lot of people who write! WRONG. you don't know a lot of people who WRITE, but you probably know a lot of people who TYPE. interesting. when we sit down to write something, most of the time we aren't really writing, are we? here are the things i write: lists, occasional letters, scheduling, notes from class (which many people type nowadays), and other minor things. now, here are the things i type: EVERYTHING ELSE. we're talking emails, messages, papers for class, pretty much anything i turn in for class, recipes, and all of my creative writing. really, when most people write creatively, it's not really creative writing, but creative typing. "yes, i'm planning on getting a masters degree in creative typing" is what i really should be saying to people. when i grow up, i want to be a creative typer.

how did i even start thinking about this? maybe it was because i've been typing all my mom's recipes for her (and believe me, there are hundreds), and there are recipes written on all sorts of scraps, like receipts or envelopes, and for many of them i needed a second opinion in order to decipher whether it was a tablespoon or a teaspoon, 12 or 1-2, etc. etc.

or maybe it was because i was watching "who do you think you are," a really fantastic show about genealogy, and they were looking at really old documents and trying to figure out what they said, and i started thinking about how handwriting changes so much throughout the centuries. i don't see very many kids today learning the art of cursive (and believe me, my cursive is terrible), and that pretty much used to be the ONLY right way to write. and then i started thinking about when i was in uruguay, and how different people's handwriting is down there (surprisingly so. it was often very hard to read). and of course i remembered the many times i got papers back from professors with almost illegible scrawl written all over it (and i'm thinking how in the world am i supposed to ever revise this paper, considering the fact that i can't even read your notes!) note to self: if i'm ever a professor, i want to have decipherable handwriting. it doesn't have to necessarily be great, just decipherable. i write in all caps, and i've written in all caps since about junior high school when i decided i hated my handwriting enough to change it. my dad writes in all caps, so i think that's where i got the inspiration. i'm fond of my handwriting now, most of the time. not that i think it's beautiful, but it's me.

anyway all those thoughts about handwriting turned into thoughts about how more and more people are writing less and less and typing more and more. and there's something sad about that. handwriting is so very unique! and yes, you can argue that typing is more legible, which it is most of the time, but i've read a good number of papers/blogs/status updates/etc that are as difficult to understand as a doctor's chart. either way, it is a little sad for me to see handwriting be less and less valued. i'm sad enough about that i want to improve my cursive and handwriting in general, and when i have children i'm going to make sure they learn how to write well.

but i'm not sad enough about it to swear off all typing forever. because, really, that would just be silly.

yeah, i know, i have deep thoughts when i'm trying to fall asleep.

why the bitter diatribes? it's the day of LOVE, for crying out loud!

2011-02-14T15:23:00.005-07:00

i just watched bright star, which is the tragic love story of romantic poet john keats and fanny brawne. i was already aware (thanks to my lit classes) that keats dies at age 25 of tuberculosis, so the end wasn't much of a surprise, but that didn't make it any less depressing.

perhaps not the best movie to watch on valentine's day.

now that i'm sufficiently melancholy, i would like to share some thoughts on valentine's day. i've thought about it, and i have decided this: it's wonderful that we have a special holiday to celebrate love. what taints this holiday, though, are the concourses of people who believe that romantic love is the only type of love worthy to celebrate. most of these people are those who don't currently have a "significant other," so they 1) cry all day long, eat chocolate ice cream to console their downtrodden spirits, and feel sorry for themselves, or 2) wear black, declare valentine's day to be "single awareness day," and go around bitterly proclaiming their hatred of the holiday (they also feel sorry for themselves). one of my friends on facebook had this as his status: "happy single awareness day! most of the married people i know are miserable, free of the burden is pretty awesome" or something to that effect. i was really disgusted by that. it sounds like this poor fellow is so bitter that he's not married that he feels the need to insult all of his so-called "miserable" married friends. i feel sorry for him.

there are so many kinds of love! i'm not married, i'm not dating anyone, but i can still celebrate the love i have in my life. the love i have for my parents, for my sisters and brothers-in-law, my nephews and niece, wonderful friends, etc. etc.

to wallow and snivel that valentine's day isn't worth celebrating because i don't have a boyfriend would be doing a disservice to everyone in my life who i love and who i know love me. i love celebrating valentine's day because it's an extra opportunity to express my love to those around me. and to those of you who say that valentine's day isn't worth it because we should be showing our love every day of the year, that's like saying we shouldn't celebrate christmas because we should be remembering the savior every day of the year. of course we should remember the savior every day of the year, and of course we should show our love every day. is there anything wrong with having a special day set aside to celebrate love? i think not.

sorry for the tirade. that's just what i think. love is wonderful. and we should take this valentine's day to celebrate the love we have, whether or not it has anything to do with romance. with that said, i love you.

and please don't be bitter.

let the hiking season begin!

2011-02-12T22:04:00.012-07:00

yesterday, i went with my sister lori and her boys ashton and gavin to hike in snow canyon. we did the johnson's arch trail, a two mile trail, so it was a little hike but lots of fun! i had been dying to get out and hike around, especially because the day was so beautiful--it was almost 60 degrees--and even though the trees are still bare, the sky was beautifully blue.

here are some pictures from the hike:

why hello, tevas, i missed you over the winter!

look at that sky :) *sigh*

and ashton pointed out that this rock formation looks like a hand. so, reach for the sky!

me and the boys

red rock and the skeleton tree

lori, ashton, and gavs! nice face, ash

love that rock, it looks painted. and the boys kept asking who carved and sculpted all the rocks.

gavs

trudging along! cool tree

launching rocks into the big puddle at the end of the trail

lori and i!

i'm definitely going to take advantage of being in southern utah this year by hiking as much as possible. i want to hike once a week (at least), especially because there are so many beautiful hikes so close to home! and now that it's warming up, i can't wait to get started.

fascinating dirt

2011-02-09T22:38:00.002-07:00

today i picked up a shovel and decided to make myself useful in my mom's garden. gardening intimidates me, but i would love to learn how, so i told myself i would be my mom's number one go-to girl this year in her gardening (she's a busy woman, so she will probably appreciate the extra help). plus i wanted to enjoy the warming weather (it was fifty-something degrees today, which is not warm, but a definite improvement over last week), so it was an allaroundwinwin situation.

my mom was also in the backyard, working on the garden and watching grandkids, but she handed the shovel over to me and i turned over and loosened the soil, incorporating minerals and other stuff into the soil to prep it for planting. i also removed a good amount of rocks (i told my nephews today that the garden grew lots of rocks over the winter), and pulled up some old roots.

and, i found some earthworms. this was my favorite part. apparently, finding earthworms in your soil is a positive thing, because it's a good indicator that the soil is conducive to growing things. or something like that. of course, my first reaction to finding an earthworm is oh gross! but then i take a deep breath and a second look, and send positive affirmations to the earthworm. keep on keepin' on, earthworm. and send out invitations to all your crawly friends. the good ones, anyway.

i also decided that i wanted to have a small flowerbed all to myself. something about this year makes me want to grow things.

and knit. i'm going to learn how.

spare the rod

2011-02-06T17:52:00.003-07:00

i got a call yesterday from a lady from church, asking me to substitute teach her primary class for a few weeks. my stomach always gets a knot when i think about going into primary, but i said yes anyway. yes, i get nervous to teach primary. sometimes kids scare me! especially large quantities of them. the other day my mom and i were watching my niece millie play with her kindergarten class before the bell rang, and i said i would NEVER want to teach elementary school. my mom thought that was unfortunate, but i can honestly say that standing in front of a class of thirty or so children terrifies me more than giving a speech to, say, a thousand people (i haven't done that either). i don't know why i am this way! i just am.

anyway, so i was a bit apprehensive going into the primary class. today i was just sitting in while another sister taught the lesson, watching the children go through various phases and levels of attention and alertness, playing with their papers, exclaiming that they were dying of thirst, etc. etc. one little girl, when told she would have to wait until the end of class to get a drink, started whimpering and "crying": i am so thirsty. i want to go home. wah. i scooted my chair close to her, and at this point i had a choice. i could say: buck up, kid. it won't kill you to wait five more minutes to get a drink. or i could say you poor little lamb, i will immediately take you to get a drink, so you aren't made to wait (your highness). i chose, instead, to say something to the effect of: class is almost over, and then you can get a drink with a sympathetic *pat pat* on the arm. she whimpered and sobbed until the end of class, when the other teacher took her to be comforted by her mummy. lovely child.

i will admit though, there are certain things i definitely like about primary. i like making paper instruments and coloring and singing happy birthday and i'm trying to be like jesus and be around little souls who aren't yet ashamed to be themselves.

so yes, there are a few pluses. but a lot of things that make me want to bring a straight jacket and/or tranquilizer for the next kid who makes a noise. this is going to be fun :)

suit up.

examine me

2011-02-03T22:10:00.002-07:00

this week:

i got my blood drawn (twice)

i got an ekg (you know, when they monitor your heart)

i took a sleep oximetry test

i saw a sleep doctor, who told me that i will have to have a full-blown sleep test. basically, i'm going to a sleep-over party at the doctor's office, except for in place of popcorn, movies, and girltalk there will be monitors and wires attached all over my body and a sleep technician watching my every move from a computer screen in the other room. does that strike you as slightly creepy? i think so, yes. but it's all in the name of health!! (bwahaha, the doctors say as they count their millions). all this because the sleep doc thinks i have sleep apnea, which could maybe possibly explain my previously unexplainable nighttime seizures. yes, folks, i am a mystery. a real piece of work. but i suppose it does make life more interesting.

if i didn't love sleep so much, i would hate it. weird things happen when i sleep, apparently.

it gets me thinking, though, of how wonderful it will be to have an immortal body. after the resurrection, when our bodies are reunited with our spirits eternally, we won't have to deal with things like seizures or sleep apnea (or sleep apnea that causes seizures... theoretically). so until then, i will sigh and say oh, mortality.

my goal in all of this is to continue to be optimistic. there's always good, i just have to find it. sometimes, though, it's a bit difficult to locate. for example, because i of the two seizures i just had (dec. 28, jan. 11), i'm not allowed to drive. talk about getting the rug ripped out from under my "independence." it's hard to be dependent on other people, not just because it can hurt the pride a little (there's nothing quite like a test of humility), but because i hate thinking i'm a burden on other people, like my mom who has to cart me around to all of these various doctor's appointments and tests. but this does lead me to be grateful to have such a wonderful, supportive family who are happy and willing to drive me to and fro. i really do have the best family. that's something i've known for awhile, but i'm learning more and more every day just how great they are.

i know there are many things i need to learn from this, so i'm trying to be an apt pupil and learn quickly.

hey, if i learn really fast, can everything be all better soon?

to the winter

2011-01-30T16:46:00.005-07:00

winter is lovely. this i know.

there's something refreshing about a fresh blanket of powdery snow, something magical about falling snowflakes. those that know me, however, know that i prefer to be behind doors in the wintertime. i love watching snow through a windowpane, sipping hot chocolate, with slippers and central heating (or a roaring fire). i've never been the adventurous, grab-a-snowboard-and-go type, although i do enjoy an occasional snowball fight or making a snowman. now i'm back in st george, where the winters are much more mild and snow is rare, and i enjoy the more-frequent sunshine. winter sunshine, though, is slightly deceiving. i'm looking outside right now, and it looks so sunshiny, but if i walk outdoors i will still be hit with a wave of sad coldness.

the point of all this is that i acknowledge that winter has its charm, and i really do appreciate it, but i miss spring. i want to see more of this:

and this:

and i want to know that when i walk outside into the sunshine, it won't be cold sunshine. right now, the desert-loving part of me wants to welcome back the warm weather. hear that, winter? i'm ready for you to be over! and if you say "it's not over til the fat lady sings," i'll say "well bring on the fat lady!"

things

2011-01-27T23:37:00.002-07:00

something that made me laugh today:

my niece's school is collecting old phone books for recycling, and today on our way to drop her off at kindergarten we stopped by my dad's office because he had a bunch of them to give her. after carrying eight or so phone books to the car, millie's eyes got wide as she proclaimed, "my backpack is going to be heavy today!" my mom and i were rolling on the ground laughing as the image of little millie carrying a backpack laden with eight phone books flashed into our minds. we reassured her that we would help carry the phone books, and she was relieved.

something that made me happy today:

video chat with my lovely friend whitney! she's going into the mtc on february second, and i could feel the excitement/anxiousness ooze from the computer screen as we talked. we talked about missions (it was lovely to reflect back on my mission--the dreadful moments when i wondered why i was there, the perfect moments that made the dreadful moments worth it, and everything in between), we talked about london (how we both miss it, think about it every day, and dream about going back), we talked about other random things (like setting up her brother with my sister, how i'm so excited to write her on her mission, etc). it was a wonderful, uplifting conversation with a wonderful, uplifting friend. whitney is one of those people who is always positive and happy, and she has a gift for helping lift my spirits and realize that life is pretty great, despite getting hit by curve balls more often than not.

two somethings that stopped me in my tracks:

it's not often that two things happen at once that stop me in my tracks, but today it happened on the way back from my nephew ashton's basketball game. we were driving along and my mom commented how red the dirt looked on the side of the road. it sounds strange, but the red dirt is one of the things i love most about living in the desert. it's so earthy and rich, painting the desert a reddish-orange and making it a more colorful place than most. so that was thing number one. number two happened as i looked up from the red dirt and saw three white lines in the sky, left by the exhaust from three jets. i don't know why it struck me, but they were close enough that they looked like they were flying together, and the thought of flying together made me think of togetherness in general and why being close to someone else makes life easier, easier because someone is watching your back while you've got theirs.

anyway, just a few things from my day :)

mama!

2011-01-23T22:50:00.004-07:00

why are you hiding, mom? :)

The 21st of January is a special day. Why, you ask? Well, it's my mom's birthday! I was trying to think of something that would sufficiently pay tribute to my angel mother (i'm already starting behind, because it's now the 23rd of January), and words were continually failing me until I thought of one of my mom's favorite poems, Sam Walter Foss' "The House by the Side of the Road." I thought of it because my mom, more than any other person I know, is the person characterized in this poem. She really is a "friend to man." Without further ado, here it is:

There are hermit
souls that live withdrawn
In the peace of their self-content;
There are souls, like stars, that dwell apart,
In a fellowless firmament;
There are pioneer souls that blaze their paths
Where highways never ran;-
But let me live by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

Let me live in a house
by the side of the road,
Where the race of men go by-
The men who are good and the men who are bad,
As good and as bad as I.
I would not sit in the scorner’s seat,
Or hurl the cynic’s ban;-
Let me live in a house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

I see from my house
by the side of the road,
By the side of the highway of life,
The men who press with the ardor of hope,
The men who are faint with the strife.
But I turn not away from their smiles nor their tears-
Both parts of an infinite plan;-
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

I know there are brook-gladdened
meadows ahead
And mountains of wearisome height;
That the road passes on through the long afternoon
And stretches away to the night.
But still I rejoice when the travelers rejoice,
And weep with the strangers that moan,
Nor live in my house by the side of the road
Like a man who dwells alone.

Let me live in my
house by the side of the road
Where the race of men go by-
They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong,
Wise, foolish- so am I.
Then why should I sit in the scorner’s seat
Or hurl the cynic’s ban?-
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

Happy birthday to the best person I know! I love you Mom! :)

falling in love with my books (again)

2011-01-23T22:43:00.004-07:00

yes, yes i did.

i color-coded my books.

and it's the best thing that has ever happened to my room. i just want to stare at them all day long. they are so beautiful!

yes, i am a little obsessed.

something that stopped me in my tracks

2011-01-17T20:35:00.002-07:00

last semester essayist kim dana kupperman came to byu to do a reading, and my creative nonfiction class was privileged to interview her prior to her reading. while she gave lots of helpful suggestions and insights, one thing specifically stuck with me.

some writing exercises i like more than others, and she gave one that i really liked, and that i'm going to try to keep me writing (and thinking) while i'm not in school. so here it is:

basically, over a certain period of time i am to record three separate, most likely unrelated events, or things, that stop me in my tracks, and then i will try to connect them in some way. the point isn't necessarily to end up with an essay about those three things, but to seek a connection (an epiphany, you could say) and expound upon it.

so here's the first thing that stopped me in my tracks:

just before midnight on new year's eve, thousands of red-winged blackbirds in arkansas fell to the ground, dead. around the same time, around a hundred thousand fish in arkansas washed up on the beach, also dead. i've also heard that similar instances reported in lousiana, and even sweden! nobody quite knows what caused these birds to mysteriously plummet to the ground--people are blaming everything from fireworks to the end of the world. whatever the reason, this is completely baffling to me. how inexplicably bizarre! why just one species? why simultaneously? why new year's eve? i can't quite stop thinking about it.

as frustrating as it is not knowing why this happened, sometimes it is pleasant to be reminded just how much we don't know about the world around us. there is so much to learn, so many questions to be asked. most people probably think it's overwhelming to think of everything we don't know, but i find it... challenging.

and strangely gratifying.

happy birthday daddy-o!

2011-01-10T22:26:00.006-07:00

i think dads are really great, especially mine.

my dad knows all kinds of stuff, like this guy:

he (almost) always wins games:

and he's a big fan of my school, and gives wonderful hugs:

and, of course, he is incredibly funny and has the best camera faces ever:

he's the best man out there. no battle!

i love you DAD! happy birthday!

adjustments and blessings

2011-01-05T21:29:00.003-07:00

and when i say "adjustments," it really has a double meaning. first, i might have to say that getting adjusted at the chiropractor is hitting my top 10 list of current favorite things to do. second, i'm currently having to adjust to this whole "graduated" thing. it sounds strange, but part of me actually wishes i was in school right now! (the strange, masochistic part i'm sure). i honestly miss the routine, miss learning new things every day and being challenged. i'm just going to have to challenge myself! i can start by looking for a job..... yikes! anyone hiring?

i am satisfying my school craving a bit by filling out a grad school application. hopefully byu wants me back this fall :) i found out today that i got a 5.5 on the analytical writing section, which is in the 94th percentile! yay me! that makes up for me being in the 27th percentile on the math section (hahaha.... when i told my dad that, he laughed and said i think you picked the right field. i think so too, dad!)

despite being a little listless and not really knowing what to do with myself, there are many things i already know i'll enjoy about post undergraduate life:

1. being able to read whatever i want, whenever i want. yippee! i just finished laddie, by gene stratton porter, and am just starting stones into schools by greg mortenson and the count of monte cristo by alexandre dumas. i'm definitely enjoying the ability to start on my ever-increasing book list :)

2. no homework. fortunately for me, i enjoyed a lot of my homework, because i loved my major. i loved reading great literature and writing and such, but when it all starts to pile up and the to-do list gets longer and longer and the papers get longer and longer and i start to get more and more tired... it becomes less and less enjoyable! so while i liked a great deal of my homework assignments, it will be very nice to have a break from the load. if i get into grad school, i will be expecting more of the same plus some, but for now, i will thank heaven for my extra time.

by the look of it, i should be able to survive the life of a college graduate (i may be speaking prematurely, but i plan to make the best of whatever unexpected curve balls come my way).

and in closing: i've been thinking about a few ideas for in-the-near-future blog posts, like:

1. my 2011 goals (meaning my goals for the year 2011, not my 2,011 goals)

2. 2010 in review (mostly pictures)

3. top 10 list of things i learned at byu (ranging from the ridiculous to the serious)

4. names for my future pets

so be expecting these in the very near future!

bittersweet blessings and the new year

2011-01-01T23:22:00.003-07:00

i've been a bit neglectful of my blog over the holidays; i guess being at home i've taken a break from my regularly scheduled life. i have felt a bit off-kilter lately, probably owing to the fact that i just finished my last semester as an undergraduate and have the "real world" to face: an uncertain future including some sort of job, hopefully graduate school {praying to get in}, and little more time at home than i'd planned.

to throw a wrench in my already-uncertain future, i had to go and have another seizure. what, another? for those of you who don't know, about two and a half years ago {while i was serving as a missionary in uruguay} i had a few seizures and ended up going on anti-seizure medication. two and a half years later, i hadn't had any other problems, so i started working off the medication. i've been stepping down the dosage for several months, and i hovered at a quarter dose from what i started out on for the last couple months of school. then, on christmas day, i decided it was a good day to be medication-free. well, a couple days after that, i had a seizure. it was really unexpected, and scary, to wake up and have my mom and two of my sisters sitting on my bed telling me i had a seizure in my sleep.

so i'm faced with all sorts of decisions. do i go back on the medication? or do i try and deal with the issue without medicine. modern medicine trains doctors to medicate as a knee-jerk reflex, but since 70% of epilepsy cases {including mine} are linked to unknown causes, something tells me that it might be more beneficial to wait and see {and hope, and pray}. so for the time being, i'm going to do whatever i can to be and stay healthy, and hope for a solution that doesn't involve medication.

i made the decision to stay at home while i sort all this out, which makes sense considering the fact that here at home i have more resources to be healthy, more support, and i have my mum and dad! despite all that, it's hard to stay under the circumstances. i'd rather be staying for more happy and positive reasons, rather than retreating home to regroup and recover. but it's a blessing that i'm finished with my undergraduate degree, and i have a few months to prepare myself before i {hopefully} start grad school.

the old year went out with an unexpected twist, one that makes my new year start out on unexpected and unsure footing. i have no doubt that the lord is guiding me where he wants me to be, but my oh my, does he have an odd way of pointing my course. along with the usual new year's resolutions, i feel like i need an higher level of trust, and hope, and prayer. who knows what 2011 will bring? the end of 2010 and beginning of 2011 has already left me reeling, so as of right now, it's anybody's game!

rainy days

2010-12-21T13:01:00.003-07:00

i just read that the mayor of st george declared a state of emergency for southern utah; water levels are expected to exceed water levels in the flooding of 2005. and the rain keeps coming!

a rainy christmas isn't quite the romantic ideal, but it is some form of precipitation, so i suppose it's better than nothing. not quite winter wonderland, not quite california christmas: we sit somewhere in the middle.

i've had a rocky relationship with rain. in the past, i've found it hard to look at rain without thinking gloomy, depressed, and tears. it could be because rain isn't too common in the southern utah desert that i grew up in, and i've always preferred sunny skies. but the places i've lived outside of southern utah have taught me one or two things about rain. in provo, rain comes more frequently than in st george and i've learned the art of the umbrella. i also learned that it's helpful to wear a skirt on rainy days, because my pants {usually too long, because of my shortness} usually drag in the wetness and stay wet all day long. wearing a skirt in the rain wasn't a problem in uruguay, because i already wore one every day! in uruguay, i learned that rain in southern utah {or provo, for that matter} is nothing. i learned what it really means to be raining cats and dogs {and cows, and pigs, and sheep}. when it rains there, it rains with all its heart and soul. in london, i learned how truly lovely rain can be, and that despite soggy days, london is still beautiful.

so i've learned that rain can be good. there is something deliciously melancholy about a rainy day, and something refreshing about the feeling of the earth being washed and scrubbed clean. and there is no better smell than rain in southern utah {it's the sagebrush}.

nevertheless, when the sun finally makes an appearance again, i will welcome it.

a few words

2010-12-18T13:02:00.003-07:00

done {with this semester} {and my undergraduate degree}

home {finally} {for christmas}

as you can tell, being DONE and HOME leaves me {mostly} speechless!

Merry Christmas!

¡Feliz Navidad!

no rest for the [insert word here]

2010-12-09T14:48:00.002-07:00

i could say no rest for the weary, but that's cliche, so i'll say no rest for the person who has been slacking off on her grad school application and gre preparation for the entire semester and now is pretty much freaking out.

good news: today was the last day of classes. what does this mean for me? it means that i just finished the very last classes of my undergraduate career. BOOM, BABY. i wish i could say i felt elated, but i'm not there quite yet. i have finals looming (although i'm not too worried.... less worried than i should be, perhaps) and grad school applications that i've procrastinated until now. shame, shame, shame. that gives me more stress than anything at this point. i realize that so much of this semester has been spent doing things that are immediately important (homework, for example) that the things that will be important for my future have fallen by the wayside. i pray that i can spend some good quality time this coming couple of weeks doing grad school application, and that i don't completely shame myself taking the gre.

i know i shouldn't rely on the "if it works out, it's meant to be" logic too heavily. i mean, i believe it's true, that if i do as much as i can the rest will sort itself out. i just need to get busy doing as much as i can. i'll get right on that.

ask me how i feel

2010-12-06T00:02:00.004-07:00

go ahead, ask me.

how do i feel? thank you for asking.

i feel FANTASTIC/ECSTATIC/GROOVY/PEACHY/SWELL/ PHENOMENAL!!!!

why?

i just compiled my final countdown list. this list includes all the homework i have to do and finals i have to take before the end of the semester (in other words.... all the homework i have to do and finals i have to take before i can call myself a byu GRADUATE!) it's a pretty good sized list, but the fact that in less than two weeks i will have completed my undergraduate career (and what a long road it has been) makes me more than thrilled. it is enough to pull me through the stress of the last two weeks of school. hallelujah!

tonight i went with jessi, sabrina, and annalisa to the first presidency christmas devotional at the conference center. what a wonderful way to kick off the christmas season! being in the same room with the prophet and apostles is always thrilling, and tonight was no exception. here are some highlights of the evening:

*when president uchtdorf quoted "the grinch who stole christmas"

*mormon tabernacle choir (and orchestra)'s rendition of "oh come all ye faithful"

*the foggy evening that made the temple and the lights at temple square all misty and ethereal.

*when someone said MERRY CHRISTMAS to me! first time of the season!

ps: i watched casablanca for the first time this weekend. humphrey bogart, you are one fine man. and ingrid bergman is dazzlingly beautiful. and it's an incredible movie. if you haven't seen it, repent! so good. sooooo good :)

deep sigh

2010-12-03T09:11:00.002-07:00

ahhhhh, the weekend. i can take a deep breath, even if it's just a short one. this morning i came to a realization: if you still haven't unpacked from thanksgiving break, your week has been WAY way too busy. yes, half of my clothes from thanksgiving break are still sitting in my suitcase. pathetic! ridiculous! unacceptable! that's like a metaphor for my life right now - i'm a little behind in everything, but at least i still have clothes, right? and a seafoam green suitcase, and a blue polka dot carry-on bag from the cath kidston store in london! don't forget those. if you're going to have your clothes packed for a week after a trip, make sure you have fantastic luggage to look at/trip over. because stubbing your toe on seafoam green is less painful than boring black.

i'm thankful that this week is over, and that i was able to get everything turned in, and thankful for forgiving professors who hopefully won't dock me toooooo much for late research papers {4 research papers in 2 weeks is too much. really}. and i'm thankful that today when i was driving home from my 8 o'clock class, i passed brant on his way to class.

and oddly enough, i am thankful for all the homework i have. i started to complain about the amount of work we are given at this university, but then i stopped an had an epiphany {like a light bulb! haha that reminds me of rudolph the red-nosed reindeer}. if professors expected less from us or gave us less to do, we would inevitably learn less. i realized that one of the reasons i am at this school is because i like to be pushed. we humans have a tendency to stay where it is comfortable, so it's nice when someone says "no, i think you can do more."

so this post is dedicated to my professors. yes, sometimes i curse the amount of work you make me do, and the sleep i lose in order to complete it, and the amount of time it takes away from people that i love. but at the end of the day, i'm thankful to have learned about american literature, or writing, or families, or life in general.

gracias!

words, words, small talk

2010-12-01T16:57:00.005-07:00

words keep me alive. they fascinate me with their ability to mean everything and nothing, to drive right to the heart of a point or skirt around an issue, to horrify and electrify and surprise.

there are words that satisfy me, like succulent and befuddle, and others that amuse me, like fiddlesticks, poppycock, and mollycoddle (where do those words come from, anyway?). there are words that sound better spoken with a british accent, like rubbish and darling.

i can't live without words. to speak is to be ALIVE. maybe this is one of the reasons why small talk annoys me so much. small talk is a crime of words. small talk is nothing but robotic, and certainly never includes words like succulent.

hi, how are you?

well, thank you. you?

good. how was your day?

good. yours?

okay.

sometimes you can try to break up the cycle by giving a five minute spiel in response to how are you? but that can backfire on you, because instead of starting a real conversation you could reveal that the other person has no desire to know how you are, but simply wanted to ask for formality's sake. then it gets awkward, and usually ends like this: well, good luck with that! which sounds about as sincere as barbie.

small talk can lead to a real conversation, yes. and i do like people to ask me how i'm doing, rather than not. but sometimes i feel starved of real conversations, feeling lost in the sea of superficiality, where people put up brick walls and don't really want to know how i'm really doing and don't want to tell me how they're really doing.

today, i lack intellectual interchange. but maybe i'm just too tired to make the effort, and it's really me who is at fault, not other people.

so, how are you today?

broken record

2010-11-29T15:52:00.003-07:00

i posted a couple (few?) weeks ago about how the upcoming week was going to be the "week of reckoning" that would make or break me this semester... well, funny thing is, i think every week since then has been the same way. only getting 2.5 hours of sleep - like i did last night - is not my favorite way to start out a week!

however, if all i write about is how crazy my life is, i'll probably lose all my blog followers. or, as jessi would say, i would loose all my followers.

so today i'm going to write about something completely unrelated to school: singing in the shower.

this is partially inspired by a brief essay/sketch i read by jesús colón from "a puerto rican in new york,"which delighted me and gave me pause to reflect on my thoughts about the subject. my thoughts went something like this:

i used to sing in the shower when i was a young girl, but one incident ended my shower-singing days. here are the facts: there was a big gathering of extended family at my home, and i don't remember exactly how old i was, but i think i was about 10. anyway, i had recently seen the lion king, and that particular morning i was doing a musical review of the lion king in the shower {at the top of my lungs}. when i got out of the shower, one of my aunts quipped hey, nice singing. now i was a quietish child, a little prone to shyness, so when i realized that not only my aunt but possibly my whole extended family heard me belt the lion king, i was completely and utterly horrified. and to my recollection, i have never sung in the shower since that day.

i think much can be said about my personality from that story. well, maybe not much, but something. i have found myself, many times, unwilling or unable to do something {like sing in the shower} because i was afraid of what other people would think. it's silly, really, to be overly concerned about what other people think, but at times in my life it has been a reality.

on one hand, i find this idea very attractive - acting completely uninfluenced by what other people think. on the other hand, i can recognize the shortcomings of this mindset. first of all, acting completely without regard to others' feelings sounds awfully egocentric. people who always say the first thing that comes to mind regardless of other people's feelings around them, it can be disastrous. for example, i was relating a story to my roommates last year about how my old boss was ranting about the chinese army coming to destroy us, and i yelled "the chinese are coming!!" completely forgetting that our {chinese} roommate was just in the other room. it is always good to have tact. tact is my friend.

yet, i would like to find a balance between sensible tact and unrestrained liberty of action and speech. such a balance should exist, don't you think?

GRE

2010-11-18T15:03:00.002-07:00

i just registered to take the GRE. goodbye, $160. hello, preparation manuals and anticipatory dread.

i should have started studying for this test much, much earlier. i really should have taken it months ago... now i'm not going to have any time to retake it if i bomb. pray for me. now that i've committed myself to taking it, there's no backing out, unless i want to kiss that $160 goodbye for no reason at all (which i don't want to do).

yes, i am afraid. math and i are not friends. we're barely brief acquaintances. no one is really going to care that much if i'm math challenged, because i'm applying to an mfa program in creative writing, not mathematical theory or whatever. still, i don't want to shame myself. math tutor needed.

also, i need to start reading the dictionary.

falling, but not stars

2010-11-09T23:32:00.008-07:00

I wrote this mini essay today for my creative nonfiction class. que lo disfruten!

Shooting stars are not really stars at all. That’s probably pretty close to common knowledge, but it’s still a bit disillusioning to me. I mean, when you see a shooting star, it’s rather romantic to think that you’re actually witnessing the death of a star, whose last dying breath left a fiery flash on your corneas. A falling star is just a meteor, and a meteor is just a flash of light visible against the dark canvas of night when a meteoroid enters Earth’s atmosphere. Meteoroids in space aren’t nearly as exciting; they are simply floating rocks kicking around, idly orbiting the sun. We only become interested in them when they cross into our realm—and because they usually create an opportunity to make a wish, we delight in them and check the internet to see when the next meteor shower will occur. Well, at least I do. When meteoroids cross the threshold into our atmosphere, frictional heat causes the visible trail of fire, and the meteoroid is usually burned up on the way down. Sometimes meteoroids survive the trip, and the ones that actually hit the ground are called meteorites, which are rare enough to be something of a phenomenon when they occur.

I’m pretty sure I saw a meteorite survivor once. A few years back, my friend Allison and I were lying on the trampoline in my parents’ backyard, watching a meteor shower. My two younger sisters, who were also with us, had fallen asleep awhile ago, and Allison and I were chatting and watching the sky, our conversation interrupted occasionally with an exclamation of look!! There’s one! Or wow! Did you see that one? We didn’t often see the same falling meteoroids, because we were typically looking at opposite sides of the sky. The meteor shower eventually died down and we began to drift off, still talking, until a bright falling star—the brightest one I’ve ever seen—shot across the sky close to the western horizon. We both saw that one and it killed our conversation midsentence as we both exclaimed WHOOOAAAA!!!! Usually falling stars burn out in less than a second, but this one seemed to linger for several seconds, and it left us speechless and wondering if somewhere a large chunk of rock was hurled like a curveball into the waiting ground. It’s like God was playing baseball, and this was the foul ball, the one that got away.

Humans are so small. I close my eyes and think of everything outside Earth’s atmosphere, how Earth is like a tiny speck of sand in the Sahara, how God directs the planets and solar systems and galaxies together like one unfathomably gigantic orchestra. We barely notice the things that go on outside our own little allotment of space, and it takes something falling to earth, a bright flash and a fiery tale, to capture our attention. Still, these bright flashes spark curiosity, and humans send up satellites and space stations and try to photograph and record and find out something about what lies beyond. But how little we know.

Yes, it makes me feel small, but there’s a small part of me that still feels important. God cared enough about us, tiny atoms inside the speck of sand in the Sahara, to create this world for us. He allows us to experience the births and marriages and deaths, events so monumental to us and yet microscopic to him. We sit and watch falling stars, that are not really stars at all, and every once in a while, something hits home. And we wonder how our lives can be both microscopic and paramount, if and how God really knows us, and how we fit into the vast multitude of organized space. And the meteors fall.

week of reckoning

2010-11-09T00:31:00.003-07:00

for some reason, this week feels like the week of reckoning. like this is the week that will make or break my grades for the entire semester. it could be true.

but i'm learning to take things one step at a time. i'm learning that instead of giving 150% of my time to homework, i need to prioritize my time to make sure the other important things in my life don't fall by the wayside (like faith, and family, and food. and brant. and sleep. and friends [in no particular order]). prioritizing has never been my forte; i can be a bit of an obsessive student, so i have always needed to work on paying attention to things in my life more than just schoolwork.

still, my grades are important. i want to say that i did my best, and i want to get into grad school. so my battle with priorities will continue, continue, continue

adventuras recientes

2010-11-06T10:53:00.023-06:00

this has been a busy week! busy, crazy, but happy. muy feliz. nevertheless, a busy week is no excuse for being a blog slacker. so i'm going to make up for it by creating a SUPER POST. i'm finally sitting down to upload a ton of pictures from my camera, so i'm going to give you a pictorial summary of the past couple weeks.

ingrid michaelson concert

i'm a little bit in love with our feet. we had to wait in line FOREVER in the fetching cold, so we froze...

and i didn't bring a coat, which was dumb.

whitney, jenni, christi, freezing in the snow

cute us

beth, whitney, me. excited for ingrid!

the set

halloween weekend in st george

mindy and hai. indian and kitty.

meow.

beautiful millie swinging. my favorite niece (well, she's the my only niece, so i'm allowed to say that)

little gavin... well, not so little anymore

my superstar nephew ashton

we took like 15 of these pictures, and i think this is the only "normal" one

the rest were more like this...

millie as alice

we are goofs

little william loves grandpa :)

thriller! the zombies were beth's favorite part.

jessi's 21st birthday

roomies + sabrina at happy sumo

the decor, complete with 108 balloons lovingly blown up by beth

cupcake heaven!

birthday girl! everyone decided to give her scarves (which she was in love with), and we made her wear a birthday crown

so far

2010-10-31T01:19:00.003-06:00

...this weekend, I have:

*carved pumpkins with a witch, a cat, two indians, and a cowboy

*eaten three different kinds of yummy soup, and three different kinds of yummy dessert

*read a little shakespeare

*celebrated two birthdays

*jumped on the trampoline with my nephews and niece

*had an encounter with alice in wonderland

*been entertained by dancing zombies, murderers, skeletons and clowns

*realized once more how grateful I am for my family, and how much I love my home

*also realized there are things in provo I miss when I'm away

productive weekend so far, wouldn't you say? :)

about faith

2010-10-28T14:55:00.003-06:00

I found myself wondering last night, wondering about faith.

If I was among the Israelites who had to cross the Red Sea, to walk between the walls of water held in place by a force so terrifying that even the particles of water fled from the sand leaving dry ground, would I have been able to take that step? Would I fear that halfway through the sea, the walls would crumble, ferociously tombing all beneath its path?

Faith is knowing I can take risks, step out into my own Red Sea with trust that it won't come crashing down around me. Faith is also understanding that if it does come crashing down, He will help me to swim.

Today I attended a lecture by essayist Brian Doyle, who taught me that there's nothing more important than stories. We preserve the world through stories. Without stories, we wouldn't have religion, we wouldn't have scripture, we wouldn't know about the humble carpenter who healed, taught, suffered, and died for us two thousand years ago, halfway across the world. Without stories, we wouldn't know that God said "let there be light," and there was.

Without stories, then, faith would cease to exist.

I want to tell stories.

hello, my name is _______

2010-10-25T23:49:00.005-06:00

Every day we walk around getting to know people, finding out tidbits of information about people we already know very well, or random facts about complete strangers, like where they got their shoes, or whether or not they like cold weather. We go around placing pieces into the puzzle of others' personalities, wondering if we are close to finishing the picture, or if we have nothing more than the border. It's very satisfactory, I have found, to become acquainted with someone who wants to actively get to know me, who wants to sit and piece together the puzzle that is me, who tries to get to know me instead of doing so by mere chance.

Sometimes I think I talk too much. Maybe other people are right, the people who keep everything inside and hide under their protective shell like hermit crabs. Because when you don't surrender information, there's no chance of that information being rejected.

Then again, maybe they're wrong. Openness in a relationship creates unity, trust, peace.

"Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe

with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words,

but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together,

certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them,

keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness

blow the rest away."

-Dinah Craik

Open book

hermit crab

chaff and grain

faithful hand.

falling

2010-10-21T23:22:00.003-06:00

in love... with autumn!

Today, I woke up and all the sudden the trees in Provo had thrown their greenness to the wind in favor of more colorful petticoats. I think trees just get sick of wearing green for so long (I know I would!) so they decide to don their wild fall apparel. It kind of reminds me of the old ladies in the Red Hatters Society that wear red and purple boas - they've worn sensible colors all their lives, let them wear red and purple together! I wear red and purple together now, is that strange? So I would be the subversive tree who goes red in say, AUGUST or something.

So yes, it is true. I have fallen in love with fall. and speaking of falling... Beth scared me so bad today, that I fell over. Usually, I scare her and she hates it, but this time the tables turned! I guess I got what was coming to me - big time!

Another word on fall - someone gave me a red leaf this morning, and it made my whole day:

things that make me giggle

2010-10-19T15:47:00.003-06:00

I read the other day that children laugh on average a couple hundred times a day, and adults only 17 times [I'm probably wrong on the exact numbers, but you get the idea]. At first the number surprised me, but then it made sense. Adults, we need to stop taking ourselves so seriously. To rely on the corny idiom, laughter really is the best medicine, and it's my goal to laugh more. So here are a few things that make me laugh:

1. Dipping.

Keep in mind that I am no dancer; I am super klutzy, so dancing is not quite my forte. HOWEVER, I do like to dip other people: namely, my sisters Jessica and Hailey. It's just fun.

2. Demetri Martin (hilarious). For example:

"'Sort of ' is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of - it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after 'I love you' or 'you're going to live' or 'it's a boy!'"

"The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast."

3. This quote from "On Running After One's Hat," by G.K. Chesterton

"A man running after a hat is not half so ridiculous as a man running after a wife."

4. The Importance of Being Earnest, by Oscar Wilde (the whole thing, really). For example:

"I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train."

Laugh more today. It tastes better than cough syrup!

picking up music

2010-10-14T14:14:00.003-06:00

I picked up my violin on Sunday for the first time in several months. It was mostly out of necessity; Jessi and I are playing our violins in church this coming Sunday, so I needed to actually take my violin down from the closet and dust it off a little. I grumbled about it a little - after all, I haven't practiced for months, I have no time to practice, it will probably sound bad, etc. etc... but after I actually started playing, I realized how much I really do miss it.

It's happened several times since I stopped taking lessons about five or so years ago: I don't play for awhile, then I get asked to play in church, and I grumble about it a little to myself, but I usually always do it, and it usually always turns out great. Of course, the limited practice time I give myself means a very limited repertoire, which right now comes down to I know that my Redeemer lives, and Joseph Smith's first prayer. But usually I'm playing in different wards, so they don't know that Jess and I are playing the same duet that we've played for yeaaaars.

I've said for the past few years that when I finish college, I'm going to start taking violin lessons again. Unfortunately, with graduate school on the horizon, it looks like violin is going to stay on the back burner. However, I will have January to August free of school, so there's a possibility. Bottom line, I miss playing, and I'm going back to it soon. Because I want to be able to play Meditation from Thais from memory with my eyes closed like I used to. And I want to play the Bach Double duet with my sister.

So continue asking me to play in church. I will probably continue to grumble, but it will be good for me in the end.

the good parts

2010-10-12T00:44:00.002-06:00

Today was one of those days where I had to resign myself to the fact that I wasn't going to get everything done. Way too much school work, way not enough time. And here I am, writing a blog post at 12:48 am (so I guess I'm not really talking about today, but yesterday), and I still have some reading that I'm probably not going to finish. Well, I'll finish most of it.

Sometimes I tend to measure myself by how much I get done in a day; as a student, this usually means how much homework I get done. Those who know me know that I can be a little obsessive with homework, and have a tendency to beat myself up for not finishing. I'm trying to veer away from this mindset, so whether or not I get everything done, I tell myself it was a great day.

And it was. Let me tell why:

1. Indonesian rice salad. I love, love good food, and my sister/roommate Jessi made this today, and it was heavenly. Sometimes when I get really busy, I forget to eat, and I have Jessi to thank for keeping me alive at various points in the last year. So every time she makes something, I have to thank her especially :) I should also mention the spicy tomato/spinach omelet with guacamole that I made for lunch. So, so yum.

2. The intended run. I dragged Jessi out of the house at 9 pm to go running, and we ended up just taking a leisurely stroll in the autumn coolness. I really do like autumn, even though I'm saying goodbye to heat for the next several months, and tonight was a perfect night to enjoy it. So even though I didn't get my run in, I got a good walk :)

3. Writing. When I write, I am happy. With that said, I am a happy person in general, but there is something about writing that satisfies my soul. It's a similar satisfaction that I get from the smell of desert rain. And cats.

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date...

2010-10-08T01:47:00.005-06:00

...with bed!

Sometimes, I get the most unusual productive streaks really late at night. Tonight, I worked on a midterm (when a midterm equals a rewritten fairy tale, I realize how much I love my major), a paper proposal, a study guide, and a few other things on my to-do list. And then I thought, I want to post on my blog. When I get going like this, I start thinking I'm already up way too late, why go to bed now? Bad logic, I know. But I still benefit from my productivity, so I don't beat myself up too much. I'll probably just take a nap at some point tomorrow. (:

So on a random note, I wanted to say that my mind has been on these people a lot:

These are members from the last area of my mission, La Paz (Uruguay). This ward dinner happened right after the baptism of Facundo (second from the left):

note the matching outfits, por favor. yes, it's dorky, and sad, but we did it anyway. I love hermana Cervantes to pieces.

La Paz was one of my favorite areas. Granted, I only had four areas total, and there were aspects of all my areas that I loved, but there was something special about La Paz; really great things happened there. Like finding Facundo, for example.

Hermana Cervantes and I did a whitewash in La Paz (when two missionaries are taken out of an area and replaced by two new ones, with nothing but a map and a few phone numbers to help us find our way around. the maps in Uruguay can be abysmally unhelpful, by the way). So when Hna. Cervantes and I started working there, we basically circled a neighborhood in the map randomly and said "we're going here." (we ended up baptizing three people we found in that neighborhood the first few weeks!) Anyway, so we clapped outside a home and lovely woman let us in (pictured third from the left in the photo above), and her and her son Facundo listened to the story of the Restoration, and let us set a return appointment. When we came back, Facundo was the only one there, and because we couldn't go in with just him there, we stood right at the gate and invited him to church. Interestingly enough, we both had doubts about Facundo at first. That is, we didn't think he had enough interest to continue listening and go to church. But, miraculously enough, he did! The next week, we had invited him to a big stake fireside, which he came to, and where we introduced him to our mission president. To our surprise, our mission president invited him to be baptized right then and there - and he accepted! About three weeks after we found him, he was baptized.

We couldn't have done it without the help of the members in La Paz. Their efforts to befriend and welcome Facundo into the ward were essential, and we were able to schedule the baptism the same night as a ward activity, so we combined the two, and practically the whole ward was there to see him be baptized. It was neat.

Facundo has struggled at times, like new converts often do. I've worried about him a lot, because I know some of the hurdles and doubts he had in the first year or so as a member of the church. But this past weekend at a mission reunion, I heard from both my mission president and another sister who served in La Paz after I did that Facundo just barely got married! He married a beautiful, faithful sister in the church, who served a mission in Paraguay. I heard that he was doing fantastic, que está bien con todo!

That night, and several days after that, I thanked Heavenly Father for helping Facundo stay on the path that's so easy to stray from. There are other converts there that I pray for (Valeria, for example... a kindred spirit) that I know are going through tough times, and I pray that the members there will continue to befriend them and watch out for them.

And I continue to thank God for the opportunity I had to find them, and help them, and love them. Los quiero mucho! y gracias a todos mis amigos de La Paz! son capos! (:

remedy for a rainy day

2010-10-06T15:36:00.008-06:00

On a day like today (cold, windy, rainy), when I arrive home from class with the bottom six inches of my jeans soaked (being short has its disadvantages... namely, that I can't seem to find jeans that aren't too long), I want something warm, rich, and inviting. In other words:

I want chocolate. Chocolate is the ultimate comfort food. And when the air outside is especially chilly, hot chocolate is the way to warm my soul. So today when I walked in the door, I ditched my bag, my soaked pants (don't worry, I put on a skirt), and went to the kitchen to gather ingredients. I grabbed:

cocoa (given.)

rice milk

coconut milk

vanilla

cinnamon

cayenne pepper

sucanat

Why cayenne pepper, you ask? Well, I didn't want to make just any hot chocolate. I was making MEXICAN hot chocolate, which basically means the chocolate has a little kick. Does spicy chocolate sound strange? It did to me, at first, until I tried it; then the little burn at the back of my throat contributed to the richness of the chocolate, and I was hooked. So try some next time you make hot chocolate (and next time, actually make it; don't always let Stephen's do it for you!) but don't put too much in. (:

Anyway, I made the hot chocolate and sat down to slowly sip its deliciousness, and now I'm looking outside at the weeping weather thinking bring on the cold!

about Leah

2010-09-15T17:38:00.005-06:00

I've been trying to work through the Old Testament lately; right now I'm in Leviticus, and it's a little slow going, much thanks to the chapters and chapters and chapters about every single detail of the tabernacle (down to the number of loops in the curtains!) as well as every single detail of every type of sacrifice. The Lord instructed Moses with a incredible level of specificity, and it makes me wonder if it's the same way today when we build temples.

Anyway, there's a story clear back in Genesis 29 that's been on my mind off and on since I read it a couple months ago: the story of Jacob and Leah and Rachel. You probably know it well - Jacob loved Rachel enough to work for seven years to obtain her father's blessing, and is deceived at the end of the seven years into marrying Leah (who was veiled... grooms: make sure to lift the veil before you say "I do!") After marrying Leah, Jacob works another seven years to win his true love, Rachel.

This time as I read the biblical tale, I was struck by the undercurrent of Leah - she was the older daughter, with "tender eyes," but Rachel was described as "beautiful and well favored." She probably lived in the shadow of her favored younger sister, which would have been difficult. On top of that, she was given to her younger sister's suitor as a first wife, when he clearly didn't want her (if my dad tried to give me to one of Jessi's boyfriends, I'd probably run away... no offense, boys). The Lord sees that Leah is "hated," and he allows her to have children while Rachel is barren.

The Lord saw the heart of Leah and knew her sorrow, and knew how difficult it was for her to be hated as the unwanted first wife, so he blessed her with children; she recognized the fact that the Lord was blessing her, because every time she had a child, she blessed God and bore witness that God saw her afflictions and blessed her because of them. Later, "God remembered Rachel," and allowed her to bear children, but Leah's sons were the larger part of Jacob's seed.

I think this is a beautiful story. The average reader might pass over Leah, but the Lord was always mindful of her sorrow, and though he may have blessed Rachel with beauty and favor, he blessed Leah with more children, and with the knowledge that he loved her and would comfort her in her difficulties. Leah could have been bitter, but she appears to have accepted her trials and moved beyond her sorrow to gratitude for the Lord's blessings. I think everyone should take a leaf out of Leah's book (including me), and express gratitude for the blessings we have in spite of problems that may exist in our lives.

source.

books and essays

2010-09-09T17:52:00.003-06:00

On of my favorite things about a new semester is new books. Really, pulling the new books off the shelves of the BYU bookstore makes me indescribably giddy. mmmmmmmm! I just look into my basket and sigh at all the information in those pages that is going to be in my brain in a very short amount of time. This semester, rummaging through the books with hundreds of other students in the bookstore on that day, I even picked up a book not on my class book list: A Patriot's History of the United States. It looked so beautifully blue and thick and full of stuff I don't know or don't remember that I couldn't resist - plus it will help satisfy the craving I've had lately to learn more about American history (true, it will have to sit on my shelf untouched until after the semester's over and I have time to read whatever I want... at which point I will also be reading The Omnivore's Dilemma, because it has been on my reading list for a long time, and I had another person today tell me how wonderful it was. Sold.)

Some of my favorite reading this semester so far has been, not surprisingly, from my Creative Non Fiction class. Reading and writing personal essays, very simply put, make me happy! I wanted to share one of my favorite essays from class today, found on the web at Brevity Magazine, which is an online literary journal featuring brief essays. This one's by Brian Doyle (a new-found favorite) and is called Pop Art. Que lo disfruten!

Pop Art

by Brian Doyle

In nine years I have been graced with three children and here is what I have learned about them. They are engines of incalculable joy and agonizing despair. They are comedy machines. Their language is their own and the order of their new halting words has never been heard before in the whole history of the world. They are headlong and hilarious. Their hearts are enormous and sensitive beyond calculation by man or machine. Their pride is vast. They are cruel, and move in herds and gaggles and mobs, and woe unto the silent one, the one who looks funny, the one who speaks awkwardly, the fat one, for she will be shouldered aside, he will never get the ball, she will never be asked to jump rope, he will not be invited to the pool party, she will weep with confusion and rage, he will lash out with sharp small fists. Yet they are endlessly kind, kind by nature, and among them there is often an artless democracy, a linking of arms against the vast puzzle of the long people. They search for rules and rank, for what is allowed and what is forbidden, and poke the rules to see which bends and which is steel, for they wish to know their place in the world, where they might walk, what they may wear, which shows are allowed, how far they can go, who they are. They rise early in excitement and return reluctantly to barracks at night for fear of missing a shred of the daily circus. They eat nothing to speak of but grow at stunning rates that produce mostly leg. They are absorbed by dogs and toast. Mud and jelly accrue to them. They are at war with wasps. They eat no green things. Once they learn sarcasm they use it with abandon, slashing here and there without control and wreaking havoc. When they weep they weep utterly from the marrows of their lonely bones. They will not speak of death but when it comes, a dark hooded hawk on the fence, they face it without fear. They are new creatures hourly, and what you think you know of them is already lost in the river. Their hearts are dense books no one can read. They speak many languages of the body. To them you are a stone who has always been and will always be. When they are ill they shrivel. To father them is not a brief noun but an endless verb that exhausts, enrages, edifies, elevates, educates; I am a thinner and grayer man than I was; and closer to joy. They frighten me, for they will make a new world on the bowed back of the one I love; but they delight me, for to have loved them is to have tasted the furious love the Maker has for what He made, and fathers still, and always will.

mishaps and madness

2010-09-06T22:15:00.002-06:00

this has been quite the week of mishaps! let me just go in order:

1) the burned granola.

i love homemade granola; it's probably the best thing since... oh, i don't know. it's fabulous. anyway, i have my mom's recipe for granola, and i was so looking forward to making it! granola is fantastically easy; all you have to do is mix all the ingredients together and toss it in the oven. after i popped it in the oven, i was walking around my house, enjoying the granola smell, and the buzzer rang, so i ran to check it. i like my granola a little crunchy, so i decided to put it back in for a few minutes. unfortunately, i forgot to set the buzzer, and about 15 minutes later, i started to smell burned granola. :( so, so sad. we tried to salvage some of it, but it just tastes very much like burned granola. fail!

2) the very, very clean phone

last weekend, i was running around my apartment like a crazy woman, trying to get stuff done, and i threw some towels in the washer. later that night, i was looking everywhere for my phone... we even tried to call it several times, but to no avail. my roomie beth jokingly asked if it was in the washer. "haha, yeah right." so i checked just for fun. haha. yeah. right. there it was, sitting in the bottom of the washer, squeaky clean and very much dead. last year, i dropped my phone in a bowl of soup on accident, and i saved it by cleaning it off and putting it into a ziplock bag with dry rice overnight. worked like a charm! this time? no dice. my phone was dead as the wicked witch of the west (which is funny, because it was also green). so i went to the sprint store, confessed my stupidity, and to make a long story short, after $115, i have a new phone. it is also green.

3) baking soda pancakes

jessi and i decided to celebrate labor day by making pancakes for our roomies. one problem: no baking powder. no worries! jessi looked online and said i could substitute 2 tsp baking soda for every 1 tsp baking powder the recipe calls for. well, the recipe called for 1 tablespoon (not teaspoon) of baking powder, and i was doubling it, so i put in a whopping 4 tablespoons of baking soda. don't ask me why i didn't think that sounded like way too much baking soda. the result? gross, gross, gross pancakes. we had to start over again, and this time, jessi checked again and said that it was 1/2 tsp baking soda for every 1 tsp baking powder, plus some yogurt. anyway, we had our laughs and enjoyed the chocolate blueberry pancakes with celestial cream that tasted much, much better the second time around!

life is full of mad mishaps. and the only way to live through them is to laugh at them ;)

the old, the new

2010-08-30T10:10:00.003-06:00

today makes one week that i've been in provo (again). i'm kind of a flighty bird; i keep going back home, but i'm back for my last semester of byu as an undergraduate (i had to give a disclaimer there - i might be back for graduate school, so i don't want to have to eat my words). the weather was cool this morning as i made it to my 8 am class, which turned out to be both entertaining and interesting. i also have a friend in the class, which is always nice. these things make me hesitate to drop the class just because it starts at 8. i'll get back to you on that one.

i've been both excited and apprehensive for this semester to start. on one hand, i'm thrilled, because of the newness of starting a semester and all the things i will learn. i'm also looking forward to the fact that it's my last one; it's taken awhile to get my undergraduate under my belt, so now that i'm staring it in the face, i'm proud of the progress i've made despite the slow start. on the other hand, last semester means that i will now have to figure out what i'm going to do next. indecision is a beast. however, someone wise told me recently that the indecision is most of the stress - make a decision, he said, because you always have the option of changing your mind. once you've made a decision, you can have a little peace of mind and relieve the stress of indecision. so this is decision week. then i can focus my efforts on accomplishing my goal. go me!

on another note, i'm happy with the decision i made about my new apartment and roommates. there's nothing better than having a fantastic support group to live with - and jessi, beth, and genny will be the best! if we can stop having so much fun for two seconds together, we might get homework done :)

to end, i have a little story about this little guy:

he woke me up at 6:15 am one day last week, crying outside my window so pitifully that i thought my heart would break. i'm a sucker for kitties (i miss merlin and holly!) so i decided to help him out. i opened my apartment door, and he dashed in between my legs. i had to explain to him that he wasn't allowed inside, but that i would hold onto him until animal control came. so i called animal control and jessi and i camped outside with mr. kitty until they came.... almost 2 hours later! girls from our apartment were leaving for work, giving us funny looks as we were outside making a grocery list and keeping a kitty in tow. he was so skinny and looked famished, so i opened a can of salmon and fed him the juice. the poor little creature was so hungry he almost ate the can! overall, it was a wrench in our daily schedule, because jessi and i ended up going running at 9 instead of 7, but i was happy to help the poor cat get to safety. i hope he finds his home!

welcome back, me!

2010-08-25T00:17:00.002-06:00

you know you're in provo, utah when:

the number of hand-holding couples dramatically increases

just about every restaurant and store plays owl city music, and the john mayer/owl city concert becomes as important as the next presidential election (we're talking big here)

guess what, folks, i'm back in provo! this summer flew by like a chased hawk, but i'm grateful for the time i could spend at home with my family. somehow, going home for the summer just never gets old! there are so many things i miss when i leave home, my family, of course being first and foremost: my mum and dad (who are thankfully always happy to see me when i come home) my sister hailey (the busy bee who talks politics and history with me) my sisters carrie, lori, mindy and their families (they hang out with me, feed me, provide me with playmates - niece, nephews, and pit bulls). i also miss my kitties holly and merlin, the red mountain, and the scorching summer heat. nothing can compare to home!

but thankfully, provo is a beautiful place to be, and there's plenty to love here, like: the provo mountains, close proximity to lots of shopping and good eating, my new apartment, and school. i'm looking forward to this semester, not only because it's my last, but because my classes sound like fun! here's the lineup for this semester:

american literature to 1800

american literature from 1914 to 1960

writing creative nonfiction

the senior course (the section i'm in is titled: a feast of foodways in life and literature)

strengthening marriage and family

i'm going to have my plate full! i've promised myself that i'm going to be a better time manager, so i can get my schoolwork done and have time to play and keep myself sane. six days until the start of classes!

this is how i feel:

2010-08-20T21:19:00.003-06:00

"we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are LIFE, LIBERTY, and the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS."

how many times have you considered what this line in the declaration of independence means to you? personally? lately, i have been pondering specifically the idea that i am endowed (given) by my Creator the unalienable (absolute, inherent, nonnegotiable) right to pursue my own happiness. so, this is telling me that i have a God-given right to be happy? after all, mr. thomas jefferson himself said "the giver of life gave it for happiness and not for wretchedness."

it sounds like such an elementary thought; that God gives us life for happiness and not misery. yet sometimes it seems so much easier to be miserable. when i stub my toe, or wreck my car, or get a bad haircut, the default reaction is "LAME, LAME, LAME. i have the WORST life." (well, maybe not that melodramatic, but you get the idea). recently, i decided that i wanted to change my default. so how am i supposed to do that?

i have a firm testimony that God puts people in our path - in the right place, at the right time - to help us in different areas in our lives. when i started going to dr. gibson, i didn't realize he would be that type of person. after all, he was just one more doctor in the line of doctors i've seen since i had seizures about two years ago. he's a chiropractor (which is a new angle i've taken), and a naturopathic physician, and he's helped me to take a holistic approach on wellness, not just physically but mentally as well. he's already done a lot to help me, but i wanted to focus on one point specifically: what i have learned about my personal pursuit of happiness.

which brings me back to my question: how am i supposed to change my default thinking?

negative thinking is like a rut in our thought process. every negative thought and emotion drives the wheelbarrow deeper and deeper into a rut that it becomes the default. setting out to change my default wasn't easy... but thanks to some wisdom and guidance, i learned that it is possible to change my thoughts from negative to positive - to replace the bad with the good. i like this quote from "preach my gospel":

"your mind is like a stage in a theater; in the theater of your mind, however, only one actor can be on stage at a time..."

isn't that so true? we can't be thinking a negative thought and a positive thought at the same time. so whenever i find my mind going back to the negative rut, i can choose to replace the thought, to pull the wheelbarrow out and start to form a new happy default! there are so many things to replace negativity with: a happy memory, photograph, song, quote, positive affirmation, etc.

so that might sound a mite cheesy and oversimplified, but it is a big part of why i am a happier and healthier person today than i was a few months ago. so even if it takes looking in the mirror and saying "i am happy!", i'll do it!

you should try it, it's kinda fun :)

Jack Jack

2010-08-17T21:11:00.011-06:00

Oh, Jack. How I love thee. The Jack Johnson concert was, as I anticipated, wildly fabulous. I'm telling you what, my new favorite venue is the USANA Amphitheater - it was great to spread out a blanket on the lawn to watch the concert. Very low key, which is always nice. Apparently my cool red camera case effectively hid my camera from the concert security, because it made it past the "no camera" check point and I was able to take a few great shots (although I saw a few other cameras, so maybe they were going easy on us). So here's a few photos I took:

Jack Johnson concert ticket stylishly placed against my purse

Other fans spread out, waiting to see Jack Jack

G. Love, one of Jack's opening bands. The other one was ALO (Animal Liberation Orchestra... a mouthful, I know!) they were both great, and G. Love did some great numbers with Jack

Jessi, waiting for Jack to come on stage. The suspense was killing us, I swear it.

here's me giving a thumbs up to the guy's shirt in front of me: "Eat. Sleep. Listen to Jack. Repeat!" haha :)

finally! there he is, with the band.

mmmmm..... oh, Jack.

fun fun fun

Needless to say, we enjoyed ourselves quite a bit! We also saw some interesting characters there - for one, I've never seen so many drunk people in my life! Jessi and I were thinking are these people really going to drive home?? Fortunately, we made it home without any mishaps (I hope the same for the rest of them!)

I have been a Jack fan since Brushfire Fairytales, so finally being able to see him was incredible! :D

Some Thoughts at 12:10 AM

2010-08-12T00:09:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow morning, my sister and I are driving up to Provo to move out of our current apartment, Summerlyn Condos. I must say, I'm relieved. This past year has been hard in several ways, and although I met wonderful people in my apartment complex and ward, I have felt like it's time to move on, so a change will be timely. We're also going to a Jack Johnson concert on Friday night, and I can hardly wait! I've been a Jack Johnson fan ever since he put out Brushfire Fairytales, and I will finally see the man whose melodies have been my theme music for the past several years. Of course, this will probably cause me to be caught up in wild daydreams about running away to some Caribbean island with Jack to hear him serenade me everyday. (hey, I can dream!)

Considering the fact that we want to leave (relatively) early in the morning, it's unfortunate that I'm not in bed right now. I definitely should be, but I have to confess something. I have the hardest time going to bed at night. Not because I can't sleep, and not because I have too many tasks to accomplish, but simply because I like being up late, usually alone. Since my high school years, I have had countless nights of being the last person to fall asleep in my family. I don't know why, exactly, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I enjoy having a little time completely to myself, to think and get stuff done I wasn't motivated to do during the day. When I took my Writing Creative Nonfiction class last semester, my best time for writing was at night, and most of the time the ideas would start flowing right after I turned my lights out. I suppose this could mean that I need to give my mind more time to be still during the day, so I don't completely deprive my poor body of sleep. I'm working on it, and I usually have the best intentions. But here I am, awake...

and hopefully, I will be able to stay awake for the drive to Provo tomorrow. Happy valley: ready or not, here I come! I may not be able to guarantee my state of being as I roll into P-town, but I should get there nevertheless. I'll probably just make my sister drive the whole time. (I love you, Jessi!) :)

there is nothing i love more...

2010-08-08T21:02:00.002-06:00

...than when I'm sitting in the house, twiddling my thumbs, and I hear a sudden and startling CRACK of thunder, and see a flash of lightning that puts the paparazzi to shame, followed by another thunderous boom....

one of the greatest things about summer is thunderstorms. it has been so long since I've seen (and heard) a legitimate thunderstorm. within the past few days, there have been scattered thundershowers, but nothing that shakes the window panes. please, please, please don't tease me with these mini storms! I need the real deal! I want the storm directly above my head, not miles and miles away!

yes, I would like one terrifying thunderstorm, por favor. oh, and you can hold the fries.

keep calm and carry on

2010-08-06T09:25:00.003-06:00

these are times that try men's souls. yes, those are the words of thomas paine (the pamphlet publishing, morale boosting founding father) which he penned during the american revolution; however, the phrase certainly applies today. the difficult times are present in my family, in the workplace, in the economy, the government, etc. etc. oh, and about the government: perhaps the u.s. administration doesn't feel the hard times... they are helping to create them, rather. (aside: the government is now in control of my student loans... scary).

with everything going on, it's easy to have fear. we've all heard that "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself." i recently heard someone say "the only thing we have to fear is our own bad decisions." thinking about all this reminds me of the "keep calm and carry on" poster, printed by the british during world war ii to help boost the morale of the british citizens:

i bought a little book at the museum of london called "keep calm and carry on: good advice for hard times"; i bought it mostly because it had the "keep calm and carry on" logo, but i started reading through the quotes the other day and couldn't put it down! for example:

"don't worry about the world coming to an end today. it's already tomorrow in australia." - charles m shulz

it was just what i needed to keep a smile on my face. moreover, i was reading a talk from the lds general conference that included one of my favorite scriptures:

"let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power, and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." doctrine & covenants 123: 17

as i read these things and thought about them, i realized that no matter how hard the times are, we always have the ability to be happy, to have faith, and to "keep calm, and carry on."

sight

2010-07-23T16:46:00.004-06:00

I've worn glasses since I was four (five?), and I've never been thrilled about the idea. I'm sure it helped add to my bookwormishness as a child (aside: a couple years ago I saw a friend of my older sister's working at American Eagle or Buckle or someplace like that, and when she saw me, she said I haven't seen you since you were little! Little, and always with your nose in a book. Yes, thank you. That's me), When I was twelve I finally decided it was time to graduate from glasses into contacts, and since then I've been a contact wearer, almost 100%. I guess it's now such an integral part of my existence that I don't think too much about it anymore, but when I was at the optometrist's office this past week, my eye doctor said something that really hit home.

My eye doctor, who is also a good family friend, was looking through my chart and mentioned how neat it was that he's been taking care of my eyes for so many years, and I remarked at how grown up his kids were. Then he told me how much of a blessing it was that I'd started to wear glasses at such a young age, because most of the people who are far-sighted, like me, don't catch it until they are teenagers, and by that time they already hate reading. So it was such a blessing that I caught it in time to be able to learn to enjoy reading! We had talked about my being an English major and how, in a roundabout way, having glasses helped me to read and study what I love.

So, I'm thankful for my glasses/contacts, because thanks to them I can do what I love to do - read!