Thursday, October 27, 2011

scattered thoughts

Do you ever feel an obligation to blog even though nobody is telling you to? I feel like that sometimes. It's probably because my blog acts as my personal journal, and when I actually kept a consistent (physical) journal, I had the same guilt when I didn't write in it. I need less guilt in my life, in general, I think. This is something to work on. Anyway, I like blogging, and I like knowing that people actually read what I have to say. It's something that, as a writer, I crave.

I have been struggling to adjust to life as a grad student, which surprised me because I thought I'd get right into the swing of things. It has been more difficult that merely swinging in and catching on. I have a feeling it's because between the time I graduated with my Bachelor's last December and started with grad school this September, a lot happened. I dealt with a lot of disappointment and frustration, directly related to the health struggle I've had for the past couple of years. I guess it showed my narrow-minded view of how trials and opposition work in this life, because I was so over my health problems that I thought it surely was time for me to get better and never have to deal with similar issues again. Obviously naive, yes, and I was so disappointed when instead of going away completely, my little problems decided (rather maliciously, if you ask me) to stick around for who knows how much longer.

So I think I've just had a hard time trying to put all of that on the back burner suddenly to start a completely new phase of life. I'm the kind of person, I think, who does best focusing on one thing at a time, which is probably why I hoped so much that my problems would just go away when I started grad school. And by pushing health to the back burner, I've not taken care of my body as well as I should thus far. I've never been a professional time budgeter, so this is indeed a challenge.

Thankfully, I'm up for a challenge. I always say that I like change, and that I can adapt well to change, and I'm sure that will be the case this time. I'm just taking a little while longer adapting to this change.

With that said, though, I love being here and learning so much and being around like-minded people who are in their own ways as obsessive and nerdy as I am. I love teaching my freshman class even when they occasionally act like twerps.

And I love that even though this past Monday was such a terrible day, Tuesday was so much better, and the rest of the week is looking up. Praise the heavens!

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