Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Memoirs of a Box Office Slave

“Come see Broadway in the Desert! Imagine your favorite musicals performed on an outdoor stage surrounded by 1500 foot cliffs of beautiful red rock – a magnificent experience you will not soon forget! This summer and fall, come see Disney’s Beauty and the Beast and, back by popular demand, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat! Call the Box Office at 1-800-746-9882 for more information about tickets.”

…And more information about anything else, really. As a box office employee, I should be able to tell you at any moment, without the slightest hesitation, the rates at all the hotels in the area within a fifty mile radius, book your flight to Southern Utah, give you dating advice and tell you the weather forecast for the next three months. Thus, I will be personally responsible if it rains on the day I said it wouldn’t, if the hotel is full the day you booked your tickets, if your boyfriend breaks up with you, and if your plane crashes. I might even be able to pull a few strings and take care of the funeral arrangements. As a Sales Representative and Assistant Manager of the box office, I can do just about anything short of walk on water. But, with the special effects available to me at the outdoor amphitheater I work at, I might even be able to do that.
I love talking on the phone with you, especially when you shout at me, complain to me, interrupt me, put me on hold to answer another call, and eat lasagna in my ear. My favorite is when you let me know that you are unable to write down your confirmation number because you are in the bathroom. I have no concept of too much information, because I am a Box Office Sales Associate. By all means, don’t have your credit card handy when you call to order tickets: I love to wait for five minutes while you track it down.
I am definitely sympathetic when you call to get tickets for tomorrow night, which has been sold out for two weeks, and expect to get tickets on the front row. And yes, it does make a difference if you are from Red Mountain Spa. I will personally kick the other paying customers out of their seats for you: no, really, I will. You’re very welcome. It’s all part of the job.
Yes, I completely understand your expectations of cheap ticket prices and a Broadway-quality show at the same time. I feel your pain in my soul when your sale total comes to a hefty $500, and I shed a hypothetical tear when you exclaim “oh my butt!” after I tell you the ticket prices. I do not receive the slightest satisfaction when the board of directors raises ticket prices, because I know how it aggravates your already-festering ulcers. Of course I’ll give you a handsome discount: just not over the phone.
When you call and want to get tickets for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat on a night that Beauty and the Beast plays, I will, of course, make a few calls to the director, stage manager, and actors, and we will be happy to cooperate with you on a show change, completely disregarding the other 1900 people that have tickets on the same night. YOU are my most important customer. In fact, when you ask for tickets to “Joseph and the Electrical Dreamcoat,” “Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Overcoat,” “Joseph and His Amazing Dream Boat,” “Joseph and the Amazing Technology,” or even “Jose and his Colored Garments,” I won’t laugh at you, and I even might call up Andrew Lloyd Webber myself to ask him the reason why he didn’t simply call it “Joseph,” just for your sake. Just so you wouldn’t be embarrassed when you ask to see “Joseph Smith and His Coat.”
When you come to my window at intermission, shocked and ready to protest because of the offensive Potiphar’s wife scene, I will be prepared with the run-of-the-mill apology. I wouldn’t dream of telling you that the Potiphar’s wife seduction scene is in the bible, and Andrew Lloyd Webber wasn’t making it up. Have you ever read Genesis? Chapter 39. Good stuff. In fact, your scene may be the inspiration of a new policy: no refunds on content.
Since our productions are performed in an outdoor venue, I will try to explain to you that rain is very unpredictable in Southern Utah, so if it’s raining at 8 in the morning, chances are, it won’t be raining at 8 pm. We won’t be canceling the play because it started sprinkling twelve hours before showtime. I sincerely hope that doesn’t ruin your day. If, however, it is raining at showtime, I will understand you banging on my window for an immediate refund, along with the other two thousand people here. I am sorry, truly, deeply sorry that if the show is canceled because of rain, you have to fill out a “cancellation form” in order to receive a refund. But not as sorry as I am that your wife’s perm was ruined standing in the rain while you filled it out. Of course we will pay for your flight, your hotel, and your meals for the next three days as penance because of the rain. Yes, our computers are capable of giving you a refund if you don’t have the tickets, don’t have your credit card, don’t know who ordered the tickets, and don’t even know your own name. I am a box office employee, equipped with special detective skills, and I can decipher any information about you, from your birthday, social security number, and the name of your oldest child, just from looking at you. No, really, I can.

So walk away from my window, or hang up your phone, feeling good about yourself. I may be the Box Office Sales Representative that can do anything short of walk on water, but it’s okay for you to walk all over me. That’s what I’m here for. It’s okay.
Or is it?
Anyway, have a nice day.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007


I've been tagged! What does that even mean? I wasn't aware I was even playing... oh well. One must follow the unbending rules of blogging. Here goes

Four jobs I've had in my life:
1) Worldwide Book Drive - book sorter
2) Tuacahn Box Office
3) Amber Lyn Chocolates
4) Pier 49 Pizza

Four movies I watch over and over:
1) Pride and Prejudice
2) The Importance of Being Earnest
3) The Mummy
4) Lord of the Rings - Return of the King

Four places I've lived:
1) Provo
2) Ivins
3) Santa Clara
4) Pleasant Grove

Four TV shows I'd watch forever:
1) The Office
2) 24
3) I Love Lucy
4) What Not to Wear

Four places I've been on vacation:
1) Southern Oregon
2) California (San Diego, Disneyland, etc.)
3) Nauvoo
4) Ohio

Four websites I visit frequently:
1) Gmail
2) Facebook
3) My Blog

Four of my favorite foods:
1) Chocolate
2) Rice pudding from Pudding on the Rice
3) Food from Bombay House
4) Fruit

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1) At a Jack Johnson concert
2) Zions National Park
3) Jason's Deli
4) At your mom's house

Four friends I am tagging:
1) No one
2) Whoever
3) Wants to
4) Be tagged

Now everyone go and fill out this survey NOW. If you don't have a blog, make one. :)

Monday, March 19, 2007

today, for me

God made spring
for me
and all of his children, really
but today
just for me.

The warm sun fills me
with hope
hope that was covered by the cold
of winter, covered
by snow.

The birds talk about me
and my newfound hope
twittering back
and forth
lifting me upwards
with their wings.

The snowcapped mountains
remind me of the season
now conquered by warmth
ice melted
sent back up
to the white-tipped tops
of the mountains.

How appropriate
is this season
for the raising of
the Son of God
the shouts of hallelujah
seem more fitting
when sung in spring.

Spring brings with it
.of sun
..of spirit
...of hope
......of me.

God made spring
for me
today, just for me.


it's darker than it was yesterday
the sunrise dull
small rays, fighting to break the grey
and failing.
no rain falls
just oppression of
the soul of sky

gravity is more pressing today
the line between the
ground and sky
is shrinking
clouds closer
blocking light
from the earth

my eyelids, more iron than skin
sinking over
my eyes
to blink is to work
pulling shades down
losing light
all i feel

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Random song lines

I wish I could say that I wrote this poem, but I didn't. Here are some great lines from some of my favorite artists. Every line is from a different song, and I put them together in a sort of cohesive manner. The person who can guess all the songs gets something really cool.

Every move you make, every step you take I'll be watchin' you
We go together like a wink and a smile
When my words kiss your ear I’ll be right here
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you
If tomorrow's sun doesn't shine, at least I'll have my Clementine
And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And the daffodils look lovely today
Who'd have thought that love could be so caffeinated?
Yet you're afraid each thing I do is just some evil scheme
My love is not a bank statement
Maybe its just too late, I’ve got to get away
It's awful quiet here since love fell asleep
We'd hit the bottom, I thought it was my fault
Do you have to let it linger?
Call me when you’re sober
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
I love ya 'cause you're such a prick
If you want to destroy my sweater, pull this thread as I walk away


I was walking to school the other day, thinking how cool it was that having an ipod is like having my very own theme music. I had been listening to Jack Johnson's song People Watching, lazily gazing at people at they walked by and wondering what made their lives interesting. At that point, my life was a little tedious, and I wished for something to spice it up a little. One little wish, that's all it was. I put my ipod on shuffle and walked along to the beat of Weezer's Island in the Sun. As I walked I noticed how unusually hot it was for 8am in Provo, and did a double take at some palm trees that I swear were large oaks yesterday. I took my jacket off because it was really too warm for a jacket and shrugged off the palm trees I had obviously not noticed until now. The song changed, and Dolores O'Riordan's voice filled my eardrums with the sounds of Zombie. All the sudden, the weather cooled again, so on went my jacket, and into the pockets went my hands. Was it just me, or were the people around me hurrying a bit faster? The expressions on their faces was a mixture of hostility and fear. I saw where the fear was coming from as I noticed the uniformed men with guns. What was happening? Sounds of gunshots and explosions began to fill my ears, getting closer and louder, and I started running for... I don't even know where. Class was the last thing on my mind. This was a matter of survival. My life was on the line. Breathing heavily, I crouched down next to an SUV, hoping it would all be over soon. I saw a man in uniform approach me, gun at ready. I started to run, but he yelled a warning for me to stay put or he'd shoot. I felt like I was going to thow up my heart, because I was nauseous and my heart was beating in my throat. He got closer, and all of the sudden the explosions stopped, the sun started shining and Michael Buble was singing For Once in My Life. The soldier, who was now in a khakis and a button-down shirt, looked strangely like Brad Pitt as he got down on one knee and pulled out a ring. My mind was rebelling, this was crazy! But I knew we would be happy together as I nodded yes and wiped away a tear. We danced in the street, and all the passers-by cheered. But alas, my happiness was short lived, as Ben Folds started singing Song for the Dumped. The soldier/Brad Pitt lookalike then asked for the ring back and asked for some "time apart." The tears on my face mingled with the falling rain, and I threw the ring at him and turned away, finding a baseball bat in my hand as I heard Carrie Underwood's Before He Cheats. I chuckled evilly to myself as I faced his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive, and swung away, leaving his truck looking like it had ended up on the wrong end of a wrecking ball. I felt empowered, vindicated, imagining the look on his face as he saw what I had done. I took one last swing, and as I did the headphones fell out of my ears and I was once again walking to class, no sign of baseball bats, bombs, or palm trees. I took one look at my ipod, walked to the nearest trash can, and threw it in.

Monday, March 5, 2007

Emily Dickinson's "Behind me-dips Eternity"

Behind me-dips Eternity
Before Me-Immortality-
Myself-the Term between-
Death but the Drift of Eastern Gray,
Dissolving into Dawn away,
Before the West begin-'Tis Kingdoms-afterward-
they say-
In perfect-pauseless Monarchy-
Whose Prince-is Son of None-
Himself-His Dateless Dynasty-
Himself-Himself diversify-
In Duplicate divine-'Tis Miracle before Me-then-
'Tis Miracle behind-between-
A Crescent in the Sea-
With Midnight to the North of Her-
And Midnight to the South of Her-
And Maelstrom-in the Sky-

I love this poem. I love the description of neverending existance, how there is much before us and much after us, and we, in this life, are standing between it all. My favorite image in the poem is the "Crescent in the Sea." What I see from this image is that the moon reflecting on the water represents heaven's reflection in my life. Though heaven is far away, we can all have the light from heaven, or the Light of Christ, reflecting in our own lives. Emily Dickinson is a genius!