Monday, February 26, 2007

I face

This week, I face many obstacles. Although they may be daunting, I have the uncanny ability to survive weeks I initially don't think I can live through. I'm hoping this will prove true this week, for I face
*an 8-10 page research paper comparing Gl'Ingannati and Apolonius and Silla as sources to Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. (I haven't started this yet. Due Thursday) Crazy as it sounds, once I get going on this paper, I will probably enjoy it!
*a 5-6 page essay about one of Jorie Graham's poems, Tennessee June. Although this may not be due until next Wednesday, it's something I really need to start on
*Maus, a book by Art Spiegleman. For my English 314 class, the whole book is in comics, and it's about the Holocaust. Oh yeah, and the main characters in it are mice.
*A D&C midterm - not too worried, the professor made it clear that if we studied the questions he posted online, the questions on the midterm would be "verrrrrry similar." Still, another thing to do
*Research, and reading for my family history class
*The grocery store - let's face it, a girl needs to eat
*The DMV. My roommate's drivers' liscence, issued in Arizona, doesn't expire until 2051. Why, Utah, why?

These are the main things I need to do this week. I apologize, I really am not going to use this blog as my day planner, nor do I want sympathy, I just like to see down on paper (or online, in this case), exactly what I need to do. And right now school rules my life, obviously. Thankfully I have a job that I love or I would probably poke my eyes out :). Not that I don't love school, because I love learning, but sometimes I wonder if there were an easier way. Well, 24 calls my name....

Memories lost again

Fast approaches the time when
my mind says no
more, starts to go blank like
erasing notes from a chalkboard
they're gone from all recollection
beyond reach my thoughts swim
away in the gray matter to the place
in my brain I don't use
where do memories go
after I forget them?
I need a flashlight to
show me where they're hid
what dark crevice they're tucked in
why do they run away
those elusive beasts
I prod in the dark
hands out, touching the walls
of my inner mind
trying to navigate the maze
where are they
why do they go
what must I do
to get them back
onto the chalkboard

For Jenni

This is a silly, somewhat cliche poem I wrote in ten minutes for my friend. She's been through a lot when it comes to relationships, and I thought this poem expressed the hope she feels at a new interest....

Today I wrote my first name
attatched to your last
in the front cover
of my history textbook
"this book belongs to Jenni_____"
I felt cliche
but it felt good to be cliche
instead of heartbroken
like I was last month
the pieces of my hope
shattered in my chest
a piece by my liver
a piece in my foot
I thought it would be that way
but you made me smile
my first smile since Him
since the end
of something I thought would
last forever
last forever... could we?
you elevate me
I see your face in the moon
the shooting star catches
my wish

To Be New

This is a poem I'm planning on workshopping in my creative writing class next week. I am extremely nervous about this, because it means exposing my poetry to the critic's eye... I just recently started writing poetry, so I am definitely new to this whole workshop thing. So, any comments on this poem, advice to make it better, would be welcome.

To Be New

If only I could see the world again
Feel the jolt, the first crack of light
To take that first shaky breath
And announce to the world
I’m new here
To feel the first caress of a mother’s hand
To see her face, alive
Not to stand above her by six feet
Fast approaching my own earth

To grin in delight for the very first time
And break the silence with a laugh
To discover my hands at then end of my arms
My toes at the end of my feet
To taste them, my very own limbs
Bending in half
Without snapping in two
Agile, not brittle. Pliable, not tough.

To have plump flesh covering my bones
My skin transparent shows highways of blue
Veins to count like rings in a tree
One two buckle my shoe three four open the door
To a cold blast of wind carrying with it
A notice of expiration, the late fee unpaid
Time to turn in my effects
Get off the train
My stop is next.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

random google search!

Yay for random google searches! Here's the deal - do a google search with your name and "needs," and write down the first 10 results! So funny!
Natalie needs:
1. a nightie
2. to give John space
3. to move on
4. to shut her mouth and just sing!
5. wide open spaces
6. a vacation
7. some work
8. to lighten up
9. kids around her
10. to hear this live concert!

haha.... I love randomness. Actually, I do need a vacation. And I wouldn't turn down a live concert either.
Wishing Up

Gliding above trees, like Peter Pan
A sweet-faced baby girl grins
Happiness never sleeps
Beauty smiles, beauty glows, beauty shows
The jelly-bean green blade of grass, pointing up
At an old lady looking out the window
Somewhat ordinary, despite her clear blue eyes
Filled with tears, glistening
Seeing the daughter she never raised.
This is my first attempt ever at writing a poem following a specific form - it's a Shakespearan sonnet. Whenever you want a very strenuous mental exercise, write a sonnet!

Morning Comes

The mirror of night reflects a sense of shame,
A shadow hid behind the perfect scene,
Concealed beneath a picture in a frame,
A secret life, which looks to others clean.
The shards of sin, they pierce into the soul,
Outside the moon climbs up across the sky
As guilt erodes, leaves nothing but a hole
The void that wolves fill with their lone reply
Of hate, of pain, of aching loneliness.
And yet, the sound of morning fills the air,
The dawn brings hope, a bittersweet caress,
As sunlight strokes the cheek with tender care.

I ache from wrongs made in careless play,
A new day comes to cleanse the pain away.
Another poem, I wrote this one for my creative writing class.


it is a part of me
but not really

the color of grape jelly
with a tinge of spinach,
rotten bananas and
blueberry pie
a putrescent fruit basket

sitting in all its glory
on my shin
reminding me
that I have a coffee table
and it hurts

it started off
shaped like a crescent
now a full moon
it spreads and thinks
that it owns me

but not really
a part of me
This is rough draft of a poem I wrote randomely one day. It expresses, I think, the frustration girls in general feel when they like boys. Feedback would be great!


I am a selfish person
and I hate for someone
to occupy my thoughts so entirely
it’s frustrating, I need to study
I need to stop biting my nails
I might as well just give in
And start writing your name
In my creative writing notebook
I don’t even know your last name
But your eyes are so blue
Wait. Stop! I don’t even like you
I just met you
And I definitely didn’t
Spend extra time in front of the mirror
Just for you. And if I did
Spend extra time in front of the mirror
It wasn’t for you. I like to look nice
And I didn’t drive by your apartment
Hoping to see a glimpse of you
And if I did drive by your apartment
It was the fastest route to work
So don’t even bother calling
I’ll probably turn off my phone
I’ll turn up my music
The Cranberries will help me to forget
Not that I even remember
I’ll start writing poetry about the sun
And stop writing this poem about you
I’ll push you out of my thoughts
And not sit across from you at church
Just so I can see you
I liked it better when my thoughts
Were only of other things
Like Jack Johnson, eyeshadow and books
I liked it better when I didn’t have to
Write a poem to figure myself out
Or when I could listen to a love song
Without a specific person in mind
I told you I was selfish
I just want things my way
You’re probably not my type
I’m going to be in control
I’m going to do my homework
Shakespeare, research papers, and other stuff
More worthwhile
I’m not even going to think about you
Starting tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I'm new at this....

I was under extreme pressure to create a blog by my lovely little sister Jessica, so finally I decided to give in. First of all, let me address the reason why I chose "unconsciously me" as my blog title. Okay. I hate when people ask me to "describe myself in three words" or to tell them "what is one thing that makes you unique from anyone else" blah blah, you know what I mean. It's not like I don't know who I am, but can I describe it? no. Can I put my finger on what it is? no. I am me - unconsciously. There. :)

And since today is Valentine's Day, (oh, heart) I wanted to say how much it annoys me when people are bitter against V-day because they don't have a "love." Valentine's day celebrates LOVE; it doesn't have to be romantic love. Sister love, parent love, roommate love, friend love. It's all love. So what better way is there to celebrate Valentine's day than to spend it with the people that you love? Everyone, no matter how lonely they think they are, has someone who loves them.

Since this is already a very random blog, I'm going to add another tidbit. My main purpose in starting this blog is to write more. I am an English major, and I would love to someday be a writer. So, I have to have experience! This is a little bit of a start. It's more for my benefit than for anyone else's, but if anyone takes the time to read any poetry or prose that I post on this blog, I would love any feedback. Tell me what you think!