Monday, February 26, 2007

To Be New

This is a poem I'm planning on workshopping in my creative writing class next week. I am extremely nervous about this, because it means exposing my poetry to the critic's eye... I just recently started writing poetry, so I am definitely new to this whole workshop thing. So, any comments on this poem, advice to make it better, would be welcome.

To Be New

If only I could see the world again
Feel the jolt, the first crack of light
To take that first shaky breath
And announce to the world
I’m new here
To feel the first caress of a mother’s hand
To see her face, alive
Not to stand above her by six feet
Fast approaching my own earth

To grin in delight for the very first time
And break the silence with a laugh
To discover my hands at then end of my arms
My toes at the end of my feet
To taste them, my very own limbs
Bending in half
Without snapping in two
Agile, not brittle. Pliable, not tough.

To have plump flesh covering my bones
My skin transparent shows highways of blue
Veins to count like rings in a tree
One two buckle my shoe three four open the door
To a cold blast of wind carrying with it
A notice of expiration, the late fee unpaid
Time to turn in my effects
Get off the train
My stop is next.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

I really like this one! It has good rythm and clear imagery. I'm not sure I understand the last two lines of the first stanza, about standing six feet above her... and that last line (of the first stanza again) seems a little off rythm to me. I love the metaphor at the end, about this being my stop, that was a neat idea! good job! oh! and good luck!