Friday, November 6, 2009

ambivalence

Do you ever have those periods in life when you are so overwhelmed with life that you stop making decisions altogether, and end up buried in a veritable mess of deadlines and irresolution? Well, that was me over the last couple of weeks. It really took a toll on me, so much that I didn't realize it until a friend told me the other day that she thought I was a lot more temperate than I actually was (code for: you are being really moody) :)

I took a little time to think about it, and I realized that I felt really direction-less, despite having my school life for the next year or so all mapped out. I was also feeling stress of what to do with my life after school, stressed about money, etc. etc.

I think it all started when I went to go register for my classes for next semester. Despite the fact that I registered the second I could, and being a senior (technically) gave me priority, almost all of the classes I was planning on registering for were full. I know people will add and drop classes until the beginning of the semester, but I'm the kind of person who likes to see a set in stone schedule as soon as possible. So I stewed about it for awhile, and shopped around for some different classes. As I was reading into some different classes, talking to my professors, and praying for a little guidance, I found classes, different from those I had originally wanted to take, that I feel will actually be more beneficial to my learning experience. I don't have everything completely set in stone quite yet, but I feel a lot more at peace about what I have figured out as of now.

Also, a more recent decision of mine has been to minor in Spanish. I received an email from the department saying that the next grammar class I would have to take after the one I'm in now is no longer required for a Spanish major/minor. That made me realize that to do a Spanish minor I would just have to take 3 more classes, which I definitely can do. So that's another thing I feel good about.

Lastly, and perhaps the most exciting, I finally turned in my application for the London study abroad program for next spring. I have been going back and forth with the idea of going since the beginning of the semester. On one hand, it's an amazing, once in a lifetime experience that would be a dream come true. On the other hand, it's so expensive. I finally thought "screw the money!" and submitted the application. If it's supposed to happen, it will happen.

Basically, I have learned that things have a way of working out, even though it's not what you think it will be in the beginning. So I'm going to continue to take things one step at a time :)

5 comments:

Akayleia said...

Oh Natterbuggie! I know exaclty how you feel! I'm glad that you feel at peace but I'm also glad to know that I'm not the only one who has the moments :)

Love you!

Liberty Williams said...

OH MY GOSH HOW EXCITING!!! I hope you get to go to London...just know I will be totally JEALOUS!!! ;) So, is it like submitting mission papers...do you have to be accepted...hope to hear good news soon!

Toni Jones said...

That is so awesome that your minor is Spanish, yay! I love it :)
And i really hope you get to do the London thing. That would be such an awesome experience. Te quiero mucho amiga!

Anonymous said...

The hardest thing in life for me seems to be making decisions! Way to go on making some big ones, (and fun ones!) I love you! Mom

jessica said...

...who told you that you were moody? :) .... i think that this decision making break through calls for spoon me. yes?