find me!

Hello dear followers! Thank you for reading. I've actually started a new blog, so I won't be posting on this one anymore. Here's the link:

onawhimandafancy.blogspot.com

I'd love to see you all there!

i miss you!

every time i think about this blog, i feel a little guilty because i never post anymore and i wish i did! the fact that i'm maintaining two other blogs for classes this semester may have something to do with it, but i still miss my little blog. let me share a few things about my life currently:

1. i am now 27 YEARS OLD, as of yesterday. it feels so WIERD. 
2. i had a delightful president's day weekend with my roommates and my family. my roommates and i went down to zion national park for a day and a half, and then went down to st george for the rest of the break. it was lovely, save for the flat tire. ah, mi vida. 
3. this weekend has been great because i've actually gotten consistent sleep. let's see if i keep the trend coming throughout this week. 
4. i'm probably going to get a kindle for my to take to england with me. i have to bring a ton of books with me, and rather than pay extra money to bring all my books with me in my incredibly heavy suitcases, i'm going to get a kindle. this actually makes me cry inside a little because i really don't like the idea of reading without the book. i am 100% an advocate of the printed word so i feel like a hypocrite. please don't make fun of me. 
5. i love my students so MUCH this semester. they are my favorite class so far. granted, it's only the second semester i've taught, but so far, these kids are so fantastic. don't tell my last semester's class that they are now second best. 

i'll stop there (: oh, one last word: 

downton abbey second season season finale = FANTASTIC. it made most of the mid-season eye rolls worth it. 

i hate to admit this, but...

i have a few obsessions. yes, yes, i know that you know that i'm obsessed with school and that's why i am putting myself through a master's. but i also have two obsessions i'd like to confess.

first:

meet benedict cumberbatch and martin freeman, stars of bbc's tv show "sherlock." think csi + london + impossible cases that only holmes can solve, and you've about got it. it's delightful, really. i always hate to admit that i'm obsessed with tv shows but this one i can't seem to get enough of--which is why my roommate paige and i were happy to find a less than reputable website where we could watch the second season (it already aired in england, but doesn't come to the usa until MAY. why in heaven's name would we wait that long?)

one more thing before i move onto obsession two. i was watching the commentary last night for one of the season one episodes, and the commentators were talking about benedict cumberbatch (sherlock) and said that he's so much different than his character in sherlock, that he has more of a "gentle occupation of the alpha male role." ah, benedict. benny. sign me up!

okay, obsession two:

i think it's just british drama that really gets me. downton abbey is in its second season (i'm watching this one legally, folks), and i love it. it might get a little soap opera-ey at times, but in a more distinguished, high-class british kind of way.

so now you know what i'm doing when i'm not slaving away doing schoolwork or teaching.

like i did for most of today. i was sitting in the SAME SPOT on our couch from 10:30 till maybe 6:30 doing homework. and surprise, surprise, i still have more! it's times like these when i have to remind myself that i'm doing this because i want to. nope, no one is making me but myself. and i'm off to do more reading!

mostly pictures

i'm just now (sheepishly) posting pictures from thanksgiving break. also, there are a few pictures of jessi's wedding (how sad is it that i didn't take any pictures around christmas? that i'm ashamed about)

(my nephew) gavin's birthday is the day before thanksgiving, and he had the day all planned out: first, carousel, second, the yoda/count dooku fight from start wars episode II. here are some carousel pics: 

st george recently renovated an antique carousel--so neat!

lori's not going to be happy with her face in this picture, but i love it nevertheless! here are the thayns.

my cherry cardamom pie for thanksgiving! holy cow, yum. it got a little too brown on top (i didn't cover it with tinfoil, but it still turned out pretty good)

drumroll, please! yes, ladies and gentlemen, i cooked the turkey this thanksgiving. i commandeered the job from my dad, who did a lot of the dirty work for me (: i brined it, which was great and made it super moist and absolutely delicious. if i do say so myself. 

how often is it warm enough to eat outside for thanksgiving dinner? i love southern utah!

yummy thanksgiving food

here's one of gavin

ashton, me, and sorry gavs, your face got cut it half

jessi's reception! the saga of the 1,000 paper cranes. yes, we folded them all, and yes, we hung them all. there were actually more like 1,050

here's the lovely bride! i love the skirt of her dress, and the veil is my mom's! lovely lovely

jessi's sequin jacket and taylor's shiny suit. razzle dazzle bride and groom

the cute little cranes on her cake! also, the cake stand is cut off in this picture, but it was a tree stump.

mindy and me

lastly, a full shot of jessi's cake and her bouquet.

that's all for now! new year, new semester, and new resolution to post once a week. i can do that, right? 

here's to this fantastically marvelous time of the year!

one of the best things i love about school is that i appreciate the holidays so much more. i don't want you to think, however, that this is the only thing i love about school--it's just that i have a love/hate relationship with school, and a love/love relationship with the holidays. i just love the feeling of waking up in the morning and realizing that i don't have anything pressing on my schedule for the day. no ten-page papers i have to write today or else, no staying up until four o'clock in the morning grading papers. i can actually EXERCISE, and go shopping with my sisters, and bake yummy things, and pleasure read, without worrying that spending time doing these things is taking away from my schoolwork. 

i must say, though, school is rewarding. i love writing essays, reading essays, revising essays, submitting essays with a prayer and a hope that i'll be published. i love clicking "save" on a paper that i've spent so many hours trying to complete. i love spending time with smart people hoping some of their intelligence will rub off on me. i love knowing that i can stand in front of a class and actually teach them something. i love reading "you are the best english teacher i've ever had" on a student's reflection. all of these things make school rewarding and remind me why i am still there. 

but i love, love, love the holidays. i love christmas. i love buying things for people and trying so hard to keep my mouth shut about the presents i can't wait for them to open. i love drawing holly berries on everything. and i love celebrating the savior's birth and the hope that it gives me in my life. 

happy christmas. 

bless us. 

just thought i'd mention

i'm going to try and stay as composed as possible while i tell you that i'm going back to ENGLAND! :D

next summer, for 3 months, doing a field study (basically independent study. i'll be creating my own syllabus and such--so reading and writing mucho)

oh, and i almost forgot to mention. i'll be there for the OLYMPICS! i'm such an olympic nut. i love the olympics almost as much as i love england. i love my life.

bless me.

on companionship

Today, I'm grateful for good friends and food--rather, eating good food with friends. Good food and good friends. Let me 'splain.

Last night I realized at about midnight that I still had a redbox movie I needed to return, so my roommate Paige was kind enough to accompany me to the nearest redbox to return Captain America, and when we got back I had the sudden urge to make guacamole. It didn't come out of nowhere, because I had three ripe avocados waiting to be eaten, but making guacamole at midnight isn't something I usually do. Well, since I've been in grad school I'm up at all sorts of odd and unearthly hours, eating irregular meals and such. So I guess it wasn't that unusual. Just not a typical midnight food. Anyway, I didn't have any onions so I improvised with garlic (not as good as onions, but it worked), threw in some lime juice, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, basil (I didn't have oregano, which I usually use) and yum. Paige and I ate it with blue corn chips while talking about centipedes and other things, and it was quite a marvelous time.

And today, after my first two classes, my friend Laura and I decided to go get food while working on an assignment for the Intro to Grad Studies class. We got banana chocolate chip bread, which was good (but not as good as Laura's), and sat next to each other and worked on our assignments. It doesn't sound like anything monumental, and it wasn't, but there's something peaceful about being right next to a friend and, even though we're working on our laptops, sharing food and talking. We talked about her gratitude for a patient husband, and my hope for a husband someday who is also patient. We talked about marriage, and that it's such a miracle when it happens, that it makes sense that it happens for some sooner than for others.  And so on.

Maybe what I'm getting at is the gift of companionship. Being single and twenty-six could mean being bitter or hopeless that I'm not married. I've tried on that idea and it doesn't fit very well, because I can't ignore the fact that I have so many things to be grateful for, like the companionship of wonderful friends to eat good food with, or the hope that someday I will get married, because I definitely want to get married. I'm just happy with where I am in life and what I am doing, so there's no need to pine. But there is always a need to hope.

Meanwhile, I am also grateful for slippers and essays by GK Chesterton.

i wonder about humanity, sometimes

like this week, for instance. I feel like I've spent a lot of time examining other people's faults, and I know exactly what this isn't advisable: because when you look for the faults of some, that becomes all you look for. I'm not exactly proud of this, but when someone hurts one of my sisters, I'm usually the first one in line to throw a punch. And when two of my sisters gets hurt in one week, I have a hard time forgetting it. I find that it's much easier to forgive someone who wrongs me than it is to forgive someone who wrongs someone I'm close to. And when it's one of my sisters, forget it. Let me use the words of Mr. Darcy: "I find it hard to forgive the follies and vices of others, and their offenses towards me [insert--my sisters]. My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever." Sounds harsh, yes, but I'm trying to be honest here. Like I mentioned, if someone causes me pain, I do my best to give them the benefit of a doubt. I'm not so charitable in other circumstances.

This week was typical for me (full of stress, but still happy), but it was a bad week for my baby sister. Well, she's not a baby, she's sixteen. But she is the baby of the family, which means when she gets hurt then she has five older sisters to beat up anyone who tries to cross her. I only wish it were that easy, though. I don't really need to get into the meat of it, but imagine being betrayed by almost every single friend you have in one week, and you would get somewhere close to what my sis went through this week. One particular friend, who has in the past been my sister's really good friend, I shall simply call Regina George in this post. She has been especially vicious, talking about my sister behind her back, hosting parties several times without bothering to invite my sister. For these and other reasons Regina is, to put it mildly, a wench.

Anyway, I don't understand why my sister has been thus treated by her "friends." It is, of course, in the nature of older siblings to protect and defend their younger siblings to the death, but listen to this anyway: how many sixteen year olds can carry on an intelligent conversation about subjects like politics, music, history, and literature? how many have memorized the entire Declaration of Independence when they are twelve years old? and read most of Shakespeare's plays? and remember off the top of their heads that the 10th Amendment is about the states' rights? and play the piano like nobody's business?

Not too many teenagers are quite that bright. And it's not just that! She has so much integrity! and faith! and determination! and I don't usually put this many exclamation points in one post!

I'm not trying to rant. Then again, maybe I am, because another one of my sisters was very hurt and disappointed by a good friend this past week too. And I don't think there are many more things on earth that make me angrier than that. I guess it's just hard because I've been through similar experiences, and I know how much it, well, sucks. But I know that it was in such times that I grew closer to my family, and realized how grateful I was for parents and sisters and dogs and cats and books and mountains and chocolate. And new friends. The "tender mercies" of the Lord, in other words. It was in times like those that I found scriptures like this one:

"...have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions." (Alma 34:41)

and this one:

"They friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands." (D&C 121:9)

So maybe instead of spending my time railing on my sisters' terrible friends, I could spend time encouraging, and uplifting, and giving hope. Because I turned out okay, right? If I could do it, then they certainly can, who are smarter and nicer (and better looking) than I am.

Regina George is still a wench. Arg, changing for the better is not always easy.

you choose: palm reading or cleaning the house

So, I may or may not have spent this evening reading my roommates' palms. I'm not a professional by all means, but a little creativity and internet access can go a long way. We spent way too much time (ha! what am I talking about? roommate bonding time is an important activity to engage in) reading palms when we could have been cleaning the house--because we have cleaning checks tomorrow.

Cleaning checks. Let me tell you what I think about them:

Ahem. Cleaning checks are absolutely ridiculous. That's all.

Well, not really all. My roommates and I are pretty clean already, so it's not like cleaning checks are a huge ordeal, but I would rather clean when I want to clean. Plus, mid-week cleaning checks? really? por favor!

Anyway, so back to palm reading. I got my palm read last year when I was in London--I simply couldn't pass up the quintessential gnarled gypsy woman reading palms--but I felt a little ripped off because she spent the first five minutes of my palm reading chasing down a guy who had taken pictures of her booth and forcing him to delete them. And then fetching security to make the guy delete the pictures. By the time she got back to me, she was so grouchy I'm pretty sure I didn't get my money's worth.

Granted, I don't buy that palm reading is accurate, but I'm curious enough about it that I want to go again. In short, I'm still a little bit obsessed with it. Anyone want to join me in my next palm-reading adventure?

boo on technology

You know, one of the terrible things about technology is when it FAILS. I was teaching my class today and had a fantastic lesson plan that completely depended on the computer/projector actually working. So, when I went to go plug in my laptop, there was no connection. SERIOUSLY?!? $@!!%. $%?#. Boo.

It ended up fine, and I think (hope) my students enjoyed my alternative (aka, impromptu) lesson plan. They just didn't know how completely awesome it would have been if the computer actually had worked. Boo.

Speaking of boo, I decided that I am a total Halloween scrooge. I am not a fan (ever) of decorating with spiders and ghosts. So, bah humbug. Well, I partially take that back. The only good thing about Halloween is Thriller. No, I'm not just talking about the song (although that is a part of it); I'm talking about Odyssey Dance Theater's production filled with dancing skeletons, Frankenstein's monster, zombies, and river dancers getting picked off by a sniper. Morbid? yes. Delightful? also yes.

And also, I do like creepy things (not like slasher creepy, like Edgar Allen Poe and the Bronte sisters creepy).

Maybe it's just the arachnid decorations and strange people dressing like fairy tale princesses. It's like what they say in Mean Girls: "Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it." Not that I see too much of that at BYU. I did see one guy walking around sans shirt though (that's about as scandalous as it got today). People seriously spend so much time (and money!) on Halloween costumes--I don't really get it. One of my students said he was disappointed that I didn't dress up today (he said out of all his professors, I was the one he expected to see dressed up. whatever that means), and I refrained from ranting. Even though I was totally in the mood to rant because the computer wasn't working. 


So you might just have to disregard everything I say here because it's just a spawn of today's technology hatred. 


Thank you for reading my rant. I'm going back to reading now. 

scattered thoughts

Do you ever feel an obligation to blog even though nobody is telling you to? I feel like that sometimes. It's probably because my blog acts as my personal journal, and when I actually kept a consistent (physical) journal, I had the same guilt when I didn't write in it. I need less guilt in my life, in general, I think. This is something to work on. Anyway, I like blogging, and I like knowing that people actually read what I have to say. It's something that, as a writer, I crave.

I have been struggling to adjust to life as a grad student, which surprised me because I thought I'd get right into the swing of things. It has been more difficult that merely swinging in and catching on. I have a feeling it's because between the time I graduated with my Bachelor's last December and started with grad school this September, a lot happened. I dealt with a lot of disappointment and frustration, directly related to the health struggle I've had for the past couple of years. I guess it showed my narrow-minded view of how trials and opposition work in this life, because I was so over my health problems that I thought it surely was time for me to get better and never have to deal with similar issues again. Obviously naive, yes, and I was so disappointed when instead of going away completely, my little problems decided (rather maliciously, if you ask me) to stick around for who knows how much longer.

So I think I've just had a hard time trying to put all of that on the back burner suddenly to start a completely new phase of life. I'm the kind of person, I think, who does best focusing on one thing at a time, which is probably why I hoped so much that my problems would just go away when I started grad school. And by pushing health to the back burner, I've not taken care of my body as well as I should thus far. I've never been a professional time budgeter, so this is indeed a challenge.

Thankfully, I'm up for a challenge. I always say that I like change, and that I can adapt well to change, and I'm sure that will be the case this time. I'm just taking a little while longer adapting to this change.

With that said, though, I love being here and learning so much and being around like-minded people who are in their own ways as obsessive and nerdy as I am. I love teaching my freshman class even when they occasionally act like twerps.

And I love that even though this past Monday was such a terrible day, Tuesday was so much better, and the rest of the week is looking up. Praise the heavens!

wearied

i always feel bad about yawning my way through class. this class isn't boring, i'm not trying to be disrespectful, don't take it personally. [then as i write that, i think of my students, and that it annoys me justalittlebit when they are falling asleep in class. come on, kids, get it together.] thus, i am essentially a hypocrite. but in my creative nonfiction class today, i heard something [between yawns] that i really liked: "humans are contradictory beings. we say one thing, we contradict ourselves, and i'm okay with that." thank you, stephanie johnson. i guess the fact that we're contradictory beings wasn't new to me, but the fact that she said "i'm okay with that" is refreshing. it's refreshing to accept that i'm going to change my mind, that i'm going to say one thing and do another, and that when i do i'm not going to beat myself up about.

anyway, back to being tired and now understanding if/why my professors would be annoyed at me. on one hand, i could get more sleep and not get my reading/papers done, or i could keep doing what i'm doing and complete the reading and assignments but be too tired to participate in class. because when i'm really tired, i'm afraid that if i make a comment in class it will make no sense.

it's quite the conundrum.

also, this. a couple weeks back i had what i deemed the busiest week and a half of my life. i did manage to complete everything, but as i got a paper back from my fairy tale class, i realized that i succeeded in some things better than others. i didn't do as well in the paper as i had hoped, and i actually talked to my professor this morning and it sounds like it was one of the "roughest" of the bunch, which was discouraging to me because i'm not exactly used to being on the bottom. my fairy tale class intimidates me anyway because there are a lot of intelligent people who use big words and are outspoken about everything. and then there's little introverted me :)   but as i was talking to my professor, she did say that my idea was one of the most creative, but the execution of it was where i lacked. so there's some encouragement mixed with a gentle push in a more productive direction. she said she understood about my being introverted and not commenting in class, because apparently she was the same way as a student.

so i just need to get more on the ball. and find time where there isn't any, so i can get everything done AND get enough sleep to be coherent in class. i'll get right on that.

kaput

my laptop is basically on life support

three inches away from death

i don't know if it will survive the week

i think it's time.....

for a mac

si?

chocolate and stuff

yes, i just spent the last few hours making chocolate truffles to accompany my chocolate essay that my class is workshopping tomorrow. hopefully that inspires everyone to be kiiiiiind (not that people aren't kind, but this essay is kind of haphazard, kind of like my life right now)

oh, and i just turned in an analysis paper for my fairy tale class... i was comparing grimm's cinderella to the animated film anastasia. it was fun, but i struggled with it, big time. i had a revelation as i was sitting at the computer banging my head violently against the wall (just kidding, i really wasn't doing that): i am so glad i'm in the creative writing program. i had a hard time deciding whether or not to do the english master's or the creative writing mfa, because i would really love to study transatlantic victorian literature (:  but, as i was writing this analysis paper, i decided that i'm in the right spot. i love literature but i don't think i could handle writing critical analysis papers for two years... i'd rather write essays about CHOCOLATE! yup.

anyway, it's late and i would love to go to bed but i'm going to do some homework. then it's buenas noches para mi!

(oh, and look at me! blogging two days in a row! or at least close to that... either way, i pretty much rock!)

absence

just in case you were wondering, i'm not dead.

although, i guess i am dead in a couple of ways:

1) dead to the world every time my head hits the pillow

2) dead tired whenever i'm not in bed

3) so dead if i don't stop blogging and finish a fairy tale paper

4) scared to death that the monster spiders in my basement will kill me as i sleep

5) dead in the water if i don't think of a healthy version of caffeine at some point this semester

and last, but definitely not least,

6) dead meat if i don't clean up the mess i've created in our basement living room. let me describe it for you: we have a couch and a love seat down here (both christmas plaid, as i think i've mentioned), and i have taken over the couch. i'm not just talking about me being physically on the couch, but right now i am sitting on the couch surrounded by a couple packages of books i bought on amazon.com, a bag of tortilla chips, tupperware, a pink binder filled with rhetorical theory, two folders, one graded paper, and about 8 books for various classes. oh, and keys and my ipod and jacket. my roommates are nice people to put up with my explosive mess in the living room.

sorry girls.

but, let me look on the bright side: at least i'm still alive despite being dead in various ways! i'm a walking paradox!

dark green carpet

When my family moved into our Ivins house over twenty years ago, it had some sort of colorful identity crisis. One room had bright orange carpet, one had "dusty pink" carpet, another had moss-colored paint and dark green carpet (I think I remember the carpet, but I KNOW I remember the paint).

Oh, and the kitchen with brown linoleum also had yellow sinks.

We changed a few things, and I don't think anything in the original house has survived, except the walls and roof. 

I remembered our original house colors when I moved into my current Provo house, I immediately noticed the dark green carpets. You know, the darkish forest green color that shows every speck of dirt and lint? Yes, that's the color. 

Somehow, it's a very comfortable color. 

awww, shucks

So, because I was away on Friday for the MFA retreat, I had another grad student sub for my writing class. And when I got back, I asked how it went, and they said that the sub was good but that they were glad I was back. Then one of the girls said, "you're like my favorite teacher!" How sweet is she???

Yes, it is true, teaching is rewarding. Especially when you can be your students' FAVORITE.



Oh, and PS, my essay workshop went really well. Excited to revise!

MFA retreat, and general overwhelmedness

I went on a retreat this past weekend for the Creative Writing MFA students, and it was wonderful and SO needed. Sometimes it feels so nice and relieving to get away from everything and spend time with like-minded people who love writing and literature and great food and great conversation. We went down to Capitol Reef and hiked through stunning canyons of colorful sandstone cliffs and it just felt like home to me. There's nothing more refreshing to me than red rock and blue sky. It was TRAGIC that I didn't have my camera with me--I kicked myself several times about that.

All the while, I tried not to think about the gross amount of reading I was supposed to get done over the weekend, and for the most part I succeeded. After all, homework will always be there, but I won't always be in Capitol Reef!

I also had a huge epiphany while I was there (well maybe not huge, but it was a huge relief to get it): I had been working on an essay in my head for a couple of months and actually working on it for about a week, but I was struggling a lot trying to tie everything in together. One of the writing exercises we did in the middle of a hike helped inspire me with an idea to finish my essay. Unfortunately, when I got home I had to rush to write it because I had to email it to my class pronto, so I didn't get as much time to finish it as I would have liked. Ah well, the point of writing workshops is to give you ideas to revise and improve your essay. I just hope what I sent wasn't cheesy or overdone. I'll know on Tuesday! Anyway, my epiphany helped me to finish it, but I'm still nervous because I have this misconception in my head that with this essay, because it's my first in the program, I will be trying to justify my existence in a creative writing master's program. Completely unwarranted, I know, and I tried to shrug off the feeling because it was giving me stress and was probably the reason I had such a hard time writing.

Oh well. I guess I'll find out come Tuesday if I need to pack my bags. ;)

And one more thing.... coming home from the retreat, I was so tired after finishing my essay that I dropped into bed without even unpacking anything, and my room is a total disaster because I didn't have time to clean it before I left. I will definitely have to clean it before I get anything done, because I can't do anything in a dirty room! Bleh, I'm overwhelmed by my dirty room and loads of homework.

Wish me luck!

okay, yum

Let's face it: when you're a student, it's harder to find time to cook great food. I'll just say that while I'm in school, I'm a little (lot) less diligent about eating healthy, scrumptious foods. But I'm going to try harder this semester to make use of my pots, pans, and blender (my precious) so I can maintain some sense of normality while I'm in a whirlwind of writing, reading, grading, etc. etc.

So today I made something wonderfully yummy. The idea wasn't original (it came from Jessi), but I made a few changes to truly make it my own. Here goes:

Bread (I used homemade wheat bread, but I'm sure it would work with any type)
Peanut butter
Jam (I used strawberry)
Thinly-sliced fruit (I used strawberries, although bananas would be fantastic as well)
Chocolate chips

Basically, put the peanut butter, jam, fruit, and chocolate chips in between two pieces of delicious bread and grill it (like a grilled cheese). It gets all melty and gooey and absolutely fantastic. And it's so easy!

Okay, I sound like a commercial. Or the food network. But seriously, you should try this sandwich.

world: take good notes

wouldn't the world be a better place if we all sang and danced in the rain?

.... also it would definitely be a better place if we were all as good looking as gene kelly.