examine me

this week:

i got my blood drawn (twice)

i got an ekg (you know, when they monitor your heart)

i took a sleep oximetry test

i saw a sleep doctor, who told me that i will have to have a full-blown sleep test. basically, i'm going to a sleep-over party at the doctor's office, except for in place of popcorn, movies, and girltalk there will be monitors and wires attached all over my body and a sleep technician watching my every move from a computer screen in the other room. does that strike you as slightly creepy? i think so, yes. but it's all in the name of health!! (bwahaha, the doctors say as they count their millions). all this because the sleep doc thinks i have sleep apnea, which could maybe possibly explain my previously unexplainable nighttime seizures. yes, folks, i am a mystery. a real piece of work. but i suppose it does make life more interesting.

if i didn't love sleep so much, i would hate it. weird things happen when i sleep, apparently.

it gets me thinking, though, of how wonderful it will be to have an immortal body. after the resurrection, when our bodies are reunited with our spirits eternally, we won't have to deal with things like seizures or sleep apnea (or sleep apnea that causes seizures... theoretically). so until then, i will sigh and say oh, mortality.

my goal in all of this is to continue to be optimistic. there's always good, i just have to find it. sometimes, though, it's a bit difficult to locate. for example, because i of the two seizures i just had (dec. 28, jan. 11), i'm not allowed to drive. talk about getting the rug ripped out from under my "independence." it's hard to be dependent on other people, not just because it can hurt the pride a little (there's nothing quite like a test of humility), but because i hate thinking i'm a burden on other people, like my mom who has to cart me around to all of these various doctor's appointments and tests. but this does lead me to be grateful to have such a wonderful, supportive family who are happy and willing to drive me to and fro. i really do have the best family. that's something i've known for awhile, but i'm learning more and more every day just how great they are.

i know there are many things i need to learn from this, so i'm trying to be an apt pupil and learn quickly.

hey, if i learn really fast, can everything be all better soon?